The Winding Road to Home
by ladylunaami
Summary: The Infinity War is upon them and the future is uncertain for Bucky and Alison. A past they were unaware of and a few unlikely allies might be the only chance they have to stay together. Follow up to Where is my mind and Whatever we deny or embrace. Rated T overall...some sections rated M
1. Chapter 1

_Intro_

 _Rated M_

 _J_ _une 2018_

It was odd how easy it was for him to go back to being a soldier again. Actually it was a little too easy and a part of Bucky hated how easy it was for him to be handling a gun again and looking at death hundreds of feet away. Well it wasn't Nazis or Hydra this time...hell he almost wished it was another man that he would have to fight. At least that would make some sort sense. It was aliens though and Bucky wondered vaguely what Hydra would make of this.

He had been brought out of cryo after the Invasion of New York to be given an update on events. They had been pleased with the chaos it created. People were turning to SHIELD and wanting anything that would make them feel safe again. It sped up the work on Project INSIGHT and closer to their goal of being in charge. Bucky was sure if they were any members of Hydra left this would not be pleased with this chaos.

These aliens were messengers from their leader Thanos. _What kind of stupid name is that anyway?_ Thanos was gathering something called Infinity Stones and if he had them all he could destroy half the world. Vision had one of the Stones and was with Alison, Shuri and Wanda. Alison and Shuri were working on a way to get the stone out of Vision without killing him. Once it was out Wanda would destroy it. It was up to them to buy them time to do it. He thought about how pale and worried Alison had looked has they parted. She hugged him tightly and kissed him not caring that others were watching. _We'll get it done. Between me and the girl genius it should be easy. We'll be done before you know it._ Bucky had kissed her on the forehead before going. He had faith in her and Shuri, they were easily the smartest people he knew. All he had to do was buy them enough time to do it.

Bucky tucked chain that held his dog tag and his wedding ring on it into a pocket. He had given the other dog tag back to the original order not to long ago and that was something he was still trying to work out. _All the crazy seems to happen at once._

"So when this is all over you wanna see my farm?" asked Bucky. Steve looked over at him and for a brief second Bucky saw his old friend when he grinned.

"I'll have to see it to believe it," said Steve.

"We we need to get this done before tonight. I have goats that need tending,"said Bucky. Steve shook his head again and went over to T'Challa. Bucky made sure the gun was ready and watched as Steve, T'Challa and Natasha made their way over to the barrier keeping the others out. Bucky hoped that it would that simple and that he and Alison could just go back home, however something inside him knew it wasn't going to be that simple. _You knew back in March that things were going to get crazy. You just didn't think how crazy it would be._

 _March 2018_

Bucky leaned against the door frame of the home they had built together and watched Alison tend to the small garden they had planted a few weeks ago. She was weeding and singing softly to herself as she worked. It wasn't much. Just a few sweet potatoes and some peas. She wanted to see if they could grow anything before they really got into it. If it didn't work it would be alright and they wouldn't be out too much. The goats gave them enough money to live on, plus they could also work out a barter for something from the nearby village.

Bucky felt a small smile come to his face. If anyone had ever told him he would live to be one hundred and one, raising goats and married to someone several decades younger than him he would have laughed until he passed out. Once he couldn't have imagined a life outside of New York and now he was living in a country thousands of miles away from Brooklyn and he was okay with it for the most part.

The reason for it being okay most of the time was behind a fence they had set up to keep the goats out the garden. Alison had let her hair go back to its natural dark brown and she had it pulled up in a bun. She had gotten a light tan from all the time they spent outside and it was a private joke between them that maybe she should do something about her tan lines. After all the nearest neighbor was miles away.

The goats were currently out of their pen and trying to get around the garden fence. Alison paused from her weeding to look over at them.

"You get plenty of good grass and hay. You don't need the few little sprouts we have. Your father spoils you and now I have to play the bad guy," said Alison. It was another little joke between them that he spoiled the goats and had made her the no fun one. Sometimes it was joke that he did find funny. He made his way across the yard and leaned on the fence.

"You are so mean. No wonder they don't like you," said Bucky. Alison tossed the weeds into a basket and went over to him.

"I saved them the weeds. Does that make up for it?" asked Alison. Bucky helped her over the fence and grinned.

"Well maybe it's a start," he kissed her forehead. "Why didn't you wake me up this morning to help you with stuff?" asked Bucky. Normally they were both up early to finish chores before Alison went into the village clinic and he went to see if there was anything he could work on with some of the other farmers. It was how they got the goats and he was hoping to work something out for chickens next.

"Well it is your birthday so I thought I would let you sleep in," said Alison teasing.

"It's our anniversary and maybe I was going to let you sleep in," countered Bucky. She smiled up at him and kissed him on the cheek.

"Well maybe I was planning a creative way to wake you up when I got done with things," said Alison. She pressed herself against him in a teasing way that had him wondering how creative she planned on being.

"Maybe I could go back to sleep and we'll call it a surprise," said Bucky. Alison shook her head and laughed.

"Nope the surprise is ruined. Now you'll never know," said Alison. She went to go into the house when he grabbed her arm lightly and pulled her into a hug.

"Happy Anniversary sweetheart. This has been one of the best years of my life. Thank you," said Bucky. She wove her fingers into the fingers on his left hand before kissing him slowly in the way that always turned him inside out.

"I love you. I do have another surprise for you. I'm not scheduled to see anyone at the clinic today. They said they would send someone if they needed me. I think you could miss a day of work too Sergeant," said Alison. She looked around carefully before starting to unbutton her shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra and he could see where the tan started to fade to pale skin by the third button. Bucky eased her hands away so he could undo the other buttons and pulled the shirt off her.

"Mrs. Barnes you are a terrible influence on me," said Bucky has he bent down to suck one of her breasts. She arched back and ran her hands through his hair.

"That was the plan," whispered Alison. He ran his tongue over her nipple and felt it harden. His left hand went to her other breast and he ran his thumb over her nipple and enjoyed feeling it get hard too. Bucky feels Alison's hands move down to his waist to unfasten his pants.

"I might have put a blanket behind the house for us if we want to go there," said Alison. Bucky pulled away from her and grinned.

"I like it when you plan things," said Bucky. Alison picked up her shirt before taking his hand and pulling him around to the back of their house. Alison had been about to take off the long skirt she was wearing when he stopped her.

"Something about having you half dressed makes it a little different," said Bucky. Alison nods and lies down. Bucky slides his hands under the skirt and smirks when he realizes she not wearing any under garments. He isn't surprised to find she's already wet for him and he slides a finger teasingly around her opening and enjoys the way she arcs her hips into his hand in demand.

"Tell me you want it," said Bucky. He runs his thumb over her clit and Alison swallows hard.

"I want it. I want you take me now," said Alison pleading slightly.

"I will when I'm ready," said Bucky sliding two fingers into her while starting to suck on breasts again. She moaned and arched her hips into his hand. He was ready, but he liked teasing her.

"James...please…," whined Alison. Her eyes were closed and he undid his pants enough to free himself. He parted her legs and was inside her a second later.

When he was younger he thought after a time the passion fades from a marriage and would fade from the sex. If anything the marriage seemed to drive the passion for her more. He had been alone and unloved for decades until Alison came into his life. He had given up the idea of love and sex being tied together. Sex had been used as punishment and well love was weakness and not needed by a weapon. Now in the early morning light his wife is telling how him much she loves him as he drives her to climax. He pulls her close when he cums inside her and he feels her shudder a little and laugh slightly.

"Not a bad way to start your morning," said Alison and she kisses him.

"You keep that up and we'll have to have another go," said Bucky. Alison simply smirks and eases him off her.

"I'm going to go wash up. Think you can make us some toast?" asked Alison. Bucky groans in mock annoyance.

"I guess I can make you breakfast after sex. You are so demanding," said Bucky. She keeps smirking and pulls her shirt back on. It's only than Bucky realizes she has her little shower kit and a change of clothes on the blanket. Yep she had planned this and well it was one of the reasons he loved her.

"Happy birthday," said Alison giving him another kiss before going to shower.

They had just been finishing up their breakfast when they heard the sounds of a hoover vehicle. Bucky wonders why he feels a sinking feeling in his chest all of a sudden. It was either T'Challa or Shuri coming to check up on them, but normally they left a message at the clinic or sent someone to tell them the King was on his way. _Oh god. Did something happen to Steve and others?_

They go outside and they see T'Challa with two of his female bodyguards approaching. He normally never brought them so this already sent warning bells off somewhere in Bucky's mind.

"Your Highness," said Alison and they both greet him the way they have seen others do, arms across the chest in a X. He returned the greeting before addressing them.

"Sergeant, Mrs. Barnes. As King of Wakanda I am here to inform you that has of this morning the criminal charges against Alison Conley have been formally dropped by the United Nations and the United States," said T'Challa. Alison sagged against Bucky and he almost missed catching her before she fell. Honestly he almost fell over too. All the charges were dropped? Questions were slamming around at one hundred miles a minute and it was Alison who gave them a voice.

"I don't understand. What about the others?" asked Alison flushing a little as the two guards gave her a look.

"The others still have all their charges pending against them I'm sorry to say. However the others do not have the legal team you have or a father that speaks so passionately in their defense," said T'Challa and it took Bucky a second to realize what T'Challa had said and once again Alison gave voice to the puzzled thoughts in his head.

"What legal team...my father died when I was ten…"started Alison.

"Come with me. We clearly have a great deal to discuss," said T'Challa. Bucky took Alison's hand in his and felt it shaking as they followed T'Challa. Bucky wondered how something that was supposed to be good news scare could scare him so badly. _What in the hell is going on?_


	2. Empty

_March 2018_

In the almost three years Bucky had known Alison it was a rare thing to see her be angry. He had seen her hurt, depressed and upset, but he could count on one hand how many times he had seen her truly in enraged about anything. Sitting next to her watching an interview with Sophia, Renee, a lawyer by the name of Jeri Hogarth and the man claiming to be Robert Conley Jr, Bucky could feel the rage coming off his wife in waves.

"It's been over two years and even though the charges have been dropped we still don't know where Alison is. Hopefully if she hears this and if is able too she'll call us and we can get her home," said Sophia wiping her eyes and holding her wife's hand for support. _What do they mean if she's able too,_ thought Bucky.

Alison had wanted to contact them badly for months, but she was worried about what trouble it could get them into. They had heard from Natasha a few months ago that Clint and Scott were under house arrest and being watched closely. Alison didn't want her friends in that boat because of a phone call.

"Really the hardest part is not knowing if she's still alive," said Renee and Bucky watched Alison flinch at that comment. "Tony Stark won't tell us. The lawyers representing Scott Lang and Clint Barton won't tell us. No one will tell us that basic fact," said Renee barely keeping her voice even.

"If she is alive why do you think she hasn't reached out to you?" asked the interviewer.

"We believe that Ms. Conley is suffering from extreme Stockholm syndrome. She does have a history of suffering from depression and PTSD. The courts agreed with us when they were presented with the fact that she was most likely taken against her will in Berlin either by Captain Steve Roger or James Barnes and out of fear for her either her safety or the safety of her friend Sam Wilson she has stayed with them," said Hogarth coolly.

Bucky caught the worried looks between Sophia and Renee. They either hadn't told the lawyer about their relationship or they were all keeping it quiet for Alison's sake. Still it pissed him off a little to have people think Alison had been kept against her will by either him or Steve out of fear for her life. Clearly it was pissing Alison off too since the grip she had on his hand was becoming almost painful.

"A lot of people were very moved by the pleas you have made on her behalf for mercy. But you have to understand that there is also a great deal of confusion about your relationship to Alison Conley along with other factors. You say you haven't seen your daughter in over twenty years and she has told several people that you passed away and you were declared dead in 1996 by your own father. Why come forward now?" asked the interviewer. The older man looked at Hogarth and she spoke first.

"We once again would like to confirm the familiar relationship between Lieutenant Conley and my client. DNA collected from my client's toothbrush matches Lieutenant Conley. He is her paternal family beyond a reasonable doubt," said Hogarth. Despite the gray in his dark brown hair, Bucky could see the resemblance between Alison and this man. They had the same sharp green eyes. No flecks of brown or blue, just the same pure shade of green.

"I would also like to clear up the death declaration made. Lieutenant Conley was reported missing in 1991. Normally a period of seven years has to pass before a death can be declared for a missing person without a body. However special circumstances were granted so the elder Conley could be granted legal custody of his granddaughter. Family court had determined Alison had been abandoned and that it was her best interests that custody be given to her grandfather. I'll let Lieutenant Conley tell his part of the story," said Hogarth.

"Thank you. I just want to start by saying I don't blame my father for the actions he took in regards to me. It took me a long time to forgive him for a lot things, but he took good care of Alison. He had to put Alison's well being first and becoming her legal guardian allowed him to care for her. If she gotten hurt he wouldn't have been able to get her the care she needed since he wasn't her parent. She needed a parent and I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be her parent," said Robert and Bucky felt Alison's hand shaking in his. Her face grew hard and pale listening to him speak.

"Certain events kept me from being with my wife when she died and it was hard coping with that and harder to cope with the fact I couldn't be the parent my wife had been. It was hard for Alison after Jill died and I couldn't help her. I felt it would be better for her if I left. The way I went about things was wrong. I considered suicide on and off for years. It took me long time to admit that I needed help. I did try to see her when she turned eighteen and I panicked. I knew she was going to be hurt and angry about how I had left her. It was only then I found out my father had told her I died. I went to see him first and well it didn't go well," said Robert and he let out a rather nervous laugh that Bucky had heard Alison let out more than once.

 _God he is her father. I know the DNA proved it, but the little things make it real,_ thought Bucky. He wished there was something he could do for her right now and he hated feeling so damn useless. Bucky knew how much Alison loved her grandfather and now she was finding out he had lied to her for years. _She blamed herself for years about the fact that her father left and the whole time it was nothing but a lie. Maybe her grandfather told her the lie to spare her more pain. After all he had been gone for years, he didn't think he was coming back. If he was dead she could move on instead of waiting and wondering year after year if he was alright._

"I didn't want to hurt Alison. If she really thought I was dead it would just hurt her to know I had just been gone for years. I left...there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about her and pray that she was happy. I would have stayed gone until the day I really did die, but I couldn't. Not after she went missing. You have no idea how hard the last two years have been. To worry every night if she's safe. To hear people who have no idea who she is talk about her. My daughter isn't a terrorist or some random crime fighter in mask. I know I haven't seen her in years, but as her father…"

"No," said Alison softly and Bucky looked over to see the rage had driven her to tears. She quickly wiped them away before speaking. "Please turn it off," said Alison and T'Challa turned the screen off.

"I...I don't know who that man is or what sick game he's playing, but I'm not having it," said Alison. "How in the hell did he get Sophia and Renee in on this? And that lawyer...she's like beyond top shelf. If this is about money he's in for a rude shock because I don't have any and I'm not about to go on some press junket selling my story. Or whatever they hell they cooked up," said Alison. She got up and started pacing quickly.

"How dare they drag up my childhood and private life with whoever the hell that guy is. My grandfather was a lot of things and he wasn't always the best parent, but he would never lie to me like that. He…"

Alison was beyond red in the face and she couldn't seem to catch her breath. The last time Bucky had seen her this on edge was after her grandfather's funeral and it had come out that her shrink had been in charge of him during his Hydra days. Bucky went over and took her arms in his hands. She was shaking and he pulled her close to him and started to stroke her hair.

"Ally...it's going to be alright. We'll figure out. I think Renee and Sophia just wanted to help you and they didn't know how too or how far it would go. They didn't say we were together before this...they clearly wanted to keep that private to help you out of the mess. It's not perfect, but at least we don't have to worry about you going to jail. Let's focus on that," said Bucky softly.

"I can't," whispered Alison. "That man is lying. DNA gets messed up all the time. Hell they could have just faked a test to make it look good. We had a funeral...we took his ashes up to Niagara and scattered them," said Alison the panic rising in her voice again. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask if she had seen the body as a child or was it just ashes? People had thought he was dead too and well here he was. Bucky looked over at T'Challa and Bucky could see it in his eyes. He believed the man in the interview was Alison's father. She was so hurt and pissed off she couldn't see the resemblance or she just didn't want to.

"The lawyer gave a phone number she could be reached at. I suggest you take a day or two to calm down before contacting her and your friends. However you are now a free woman and I can offer you asylum without any push back until you decide what to do next," said T'Challa. He handed Alison a phone and a slip of paper explaining that the phone was untraceable so they wouldn't have to worry about being found out.

"I'm not going anywhere without my husband," said Alison firmly.

…

June 2018

"I just have a thing about alien invasions," said Alison trying to joke and failing. The look Bucky gave her held so much love and tenderness in it almost made her want to cry. He cupped her face in his hands and she rubbed her cheek against the cool metal of his left hand.

"Honestly I would think you were nuts if you didn't have a thing about them," said Bucky with a slightly grin.

Alison wonders if this how he looked before going into battle during the war. The blue jacket was made by Shuri based on pictures she had seen of him during his time in the Army with Steve and the other Howling Commandos. Other than the long hair and the beard he could pass for the guy she had seen in her history books.

However, she knows the man in the flesh and knows this isn't what he wants. He was tired of fighting. Alison could see it in his eyes when T'Challa had came to them and explained what was going on. He suddenly looked old to her and in rare moment of selfishness Alison wished everyone would just leave them alone. _Hasn't he been though enough. Haven't we been through enough. We had a year of rest and clearly that was too much for the universe,_ thought Alison. Bucky pressed another kiss to her forehead and sighed.

"I love you," said Bucky. A part of Alison was relived he didn't promise her he would come back and that everything was going to be fine. They both knew better than that after what they had gone through. He hugged her and Alison hugged him back just as hard. "Just promise me...promise me you won't...if I don't come back..." started Bucky.

"I won't do anything stupid," finished Alison. She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him hard. She pushed all the other thoughts out of her head and focused on how he kissed her. The way his beard felt on her skin, the metal fingers digging hard into her hip, and the scent of his hair. Bucky pulled away from her and Alison squeezed his hands.

"I love you," said Alison and she forced herself to head back to the lab where Shuri, Vision and Wanda were waiting. She was halfway there when a voice called out to her and Alison had to dig her nails into her palms to keep her temper in check. She turned and saw her father was quickly walking down the hall.

"You're supposed to be with the other evacuees," said Alison. _Honestly you shouldn't be here at all,_ thought Alison.

"I'm not leaving you. I know I can't help out there, but I can at least make sure you and others staying here are alright," said Robert. Alison took a deep breath and decided fighting with him was a waste of time and was just going to stress her out. She needed to keep her head here and focus on the task at hand.

"Fine," said Alison. She started walking back down the hall and he fell into step beside her.

"So what exactly are you doing?" asked Robert.

"Trying to get a magic rock out of an AI's head before an alien gets us and tries to kill us all," said Alison.

"Well...that's something new," said Robert. "I know you're worried about him and..." started Robert.

"I can't think about that right now...I just can't," said Alison sharply. Robert sighed and Alison knew she was being a bitch and hated herself a little bit for it. There was just far too much to think about right now and she wasn't sure where to start. _You need to think about getting that stone out of Vision's head and than you can think about everything else,_ thought Alison. They walked into the lab and Wanda winced a little.

"Sorry," mouthed Alison. She knew that when thoughts were too loud it bothered the young woman. _And I bet you have some loud thoughts right about now._ Alison took a deep breath and locked her thoughts down. Her main focus right now wasVision who was laying on the table and he gave her a small nod.

"It is good too see you again Ms. Conley...I mean Mrs. Barnes. I feel I owe you an apology for Wanda not attending your wedding. Along with several other things I feel I should apologize for," said Vision. Alison shook her head and patted his arm.

"We'll cross that bridge later and maybe you can make me some tacos once this is all over," said Alison with a grin.

"I have improved my cooking skills since that night. To be fair I didn't realize how spicy the ghost peppers would be. They sounded interesting," said Vision with his own smile. Wanda smiled a little too and she looked over at Robert.

"You're Alison's father...I'm Wanda." She held out hand and Robert shook it. Vision nodded at him.

"I wish we were all meeting under better circumstances," said Robert. Shuri came back into the lab and did a double take seeing Robert.

"He was supposed to go with the others," said Shuri and Alison shrugged.

"I know you ladies can do this, but just in case one of those...whatever they're sending gets through I can handle it so you work," said Robert. Shuri gave her another look and Alison just shook her head went to start prepping the program they would be using.

"Here. You can use this blaster in case anything gets through...just be careful," said Shuri.

"Thank you," said Robert and he went to stand by the door. Shuri went over to Alison and started whispering in Wakandain.

"My brother evacuated civilians for a reason."

"He didn't want to go and I wasn't in the mood to fight with him. Beside your brother invited him and I've been trying to not become a raging bitch about it," said Alison back in the same language.

"You've been failing miserably at that my friend," said Shuri in English. They had the program ready and Alison took a few seconds to clear her mind.

"You ready to do this?" asked Shuri.

"It's too late to get some Adderall isn't it?" asked Alison with a weak laugh.

"Isn't that bad for you?" asked Wanda and Alison shrugged.

"No worse than what's going to happen if we can't make this work," said Alison. Wanda nodded and took Vision's hand. _We can deal with everything later...let's do this._

 _March 2018_

With the time difference it was almost three in the morning when Alison finally worked up the nerve to call the cell number she remembered. It would be around eight or nine at night so she hoped they would pick up. _Hell what if they don't because they don't know the number on the caller ID._

"Hello," said Sophia after the third ring and Alison swallowed hard.

"Hey Sophia," said Alison. _Really that's what you're opening with?_ There was a long pause on the other end and than Alison heard Sophia take a shaking breath.

"Alison? Oh god Ally is that you?" asked Sophia. Before Alison could answer Sophia was screaming at the top of lungs for Renee. "IT'S ALLY! OH MY GOD!" She let out something between a sob and laugh. "Hold on I'm gonna put you on speaker."

Alison wished she had a drink or that she could get drunk. Hell something to take the edge off right now would be great. These were her friends and she knew that her and Sam disappearing had scared them badly. She had thought about getting in touch with them sooner and after talking with Sam decided against it. The risk was too great, they could end up getting in serious trouble for any communication. However since the charges had been dropped she didn't think they would get in trouble now.

"Ally. Is that really you?" asked Renee.

"Yeah. I...I missed you guys," said Alison and she forced back tears.

"We missed you too. Are you alright? Where are you...oh god is Sam with you?" asked Sophia.

"I'm fine...Sam isn't with me, but he's alright too. He got a message to me last week," said Alison. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell them how Sam would message her once or twice ever two weeks and she thought better of it. Granted the call couldn't be traced, but it could be recorded and that could lead to the others being caught.

"Where are you?" repeated Renee. "Tell us where you are and we'll get you. Or send you a plane ticket or whatever the hell you need to get home. We'll charge it to the bitchy lawyer and she'll eat it. Just tell us where you are," pleaded Renee.

"I...I can't. I just need you guys to know that I'm alright. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner...I couldn't," said Alison. Granted the charges had been dropped, but she still wasn't officially projected by T'Challa. He had to make an announcement publicly saying she had been granted asylum. There would be questions about how she got her, but that bridge would be crossed when it was time. It still hurt Alison to hear Sophia let out another sob.

"Are you with him?" asked Renee. Her voice took on such an icy tone it cut Alison. There was no doubt in her mind who the Him in the question was.

"Yes," said Alison softly.

"Do you have any idea how worried we've been about you the last two years? Any idea? The press has been comparing your disappearance to Maura Murray...well when they weren't calling you a terrorist. We got your letter and than nothing...not a god damn thing! Well at least you wrote us which is more than I can say for Sam. Oh tell him his mother is worried out of her mind about him. I can't believe you Alison! This whole time we've been worried sick about you and you've been doing god knows what with a guy who ditched you after he almost got you killed," snapped Renee.

"I didn't mean to make you guys worry about me. I swear I would have contacted you sooner if I could have. I didn't want you in the same mess I was in. I miss you both so much," said Alison.

"You took off with him like a stupid bitch in heat," Renee spat and Alison felt her temper rise. She was beyond sorry that she had hurt them. She had done stupid things and they had ever right to be mad at her. However she felt a line was being crossed.

Two of her friends had been murdered in cold blood by the man who framed Bucky. They all thought he was going to unleash more destruction and they did the only thing they could think of too stop it. The Accords had made the whole thing a shit show an a half and they had all paid dearly for it. Going back had been an option for her before she had gotten to the airport, but what sort of life would it had been for her. Yes she would have had Sophia and Renee. She would have had Franklin and her dog. Maybe a job if she was lucky after the mess in Berlin, but it would have been so empty for her. Was it wrong that she wanted to feel loved and to have someone to love her back?

"I'm sorry I hurt you both...I'm not going to apologize for staying with him though. I love him and I'm not going to apologize for that, " said Alison.

"Oh that lawyer is right you are beyond crazy," said Renee.

"Stop it," hissed Sophia. "Ally...listen...I know how much it hurt you when he left and I get being stupid when you love someone. You've been gone two years though and we miss you. We've been talking with your dad and..."

"That is not my dad. Part of my dad is next to my grandparents at Green-Wood Cemetery and the other part of him was put into the Niagara River. I don't know what game that man is playing, but I swear to god I'm gonna..."

"Did he take you to Nan's afterward?" asked a male voice and Alison froze. "I know it went out of business a few years ago, but when I was kid we always went to Nan's. She made the best milkshakes. If you got the strawberry milkshakes she put real bits of strawberry in the whip cream. You always liked strawberries," said the man. Alison felt her grip get tight on the phone and she was shaking.

"Anyone could have told you I like strawberries. Or that I spent time in Niagara has a kid. All you've done is proven that you are clearly a stalker and a sick one at that," snapped Alison.

"The first song your mother taught you in Spanish was La Bamba. You were three and I thought she was nuts trying to teach a second language to someone who just starting to learn her first language. You caught on though. About a week later you were singing La Bamba to your dolls...your mother...God. She wanted you so badly Ally-Cat," said the man on the other end.

"Do not call me that. You have no right to call me that," said Alison trying to keep her voice from shaking. Ally-Cat was a childhood nickname mainly used by her grandfather and Sam. No one outside of the family called her Ally-Cat. _Even Bucky doesn't call me Ally-Cat._

"I'm sorry. I just...look if you want to stay where you are that's fine. I'll come to you. Just tell me where you are. I need to see you."

Something clicked in her mind and she felt a numb rage come over her. This man on the other end was her father. Alison was certain she had only told a handful of people about her mother teaching her Spanish, but she could vaguely remember herself singing La Bamba to a stuffed bear. It was how he sounded when he had called her Ally-Cat. Some part of her brain remembered how he sounded when he called for her using that name. DNA could be faked, but the sound of his voice was buried in some childish part of brain.

"You've had over twenty years to see me," said Alison and even she was stunned by the cold tone of her voice. She quickly hung up and felt herself shaking all over. Alison felt Bucky sit down beside her and his metal fingers run through her hair.

"Do you wanna talk about it?' asked Bucky and Alison shook her head and Bucky pulled her close to him."Okay," said Bucky. He kept toying with hair in silence until the sky started to turn pink.

"I know you don't wanna see your dad, but if you wanna go back to New York and see your friends it's fine with me," said Bucky.

"If I go back they'll send me to someone who claims to undo programming in people getting out of cults," said Alison. She looked up at him and he looked like he had been crying.

"I've been really happy with you here. I knew you had left people behind to be with me and that you must miss them. I knew that they would miss you too. I didn't think how much they would miss you..how much this has hurt them. I wouldn't be mad if you..." Alison took his face in her hands and wiped one of his tears away.

"Don't ask me to leave you. I'm staying with you because I want too, not because I have too. When you left I tried everything to fill the void where you had been. I was just empty and numb. I love you and nothing will ever change that. So don't ask me to leave you. Don't ask me to hurt myself like that," said Alison. Bucky pulled her close and they went back inside. Later when they had finished making love and Alison had been on the edge of sleep she heard Bucky whisper in Russian.

"Я тоже был без тебя." _I was empty without you too._

 _Reviews are always welcome._


	3. Justice in Theory

_June 2018_

Bucky watched as the the aliens flew into the force field and died. _Well that's a few we won't have to take care of._

"I love this place," said Bucky. Sam watched as another wave flew into the field and died.

"They're either stupid since they keep flying at it or they're crazy and willing to kill themselves or they think they can break through if they keep at it," said Sam.

"I'm really hoping for stupid on this one," said Bucky.

"We could only be so damn lucky," said Sam. They went inside to report to the others. Bucky knew that Shuri and Alison were as safe as they were going to be here in the city and that Wanda and a few guards would be here in case anything got through. _Not to mention the two ladies in question can handle themselves just fine,_ thought Bucky. Still a part him wished they were leaving the city with everyone else. He had grown very fond of Shuri, she reminded him a little of Becca and he had to remind himself that despite her age she was beyond smart and capable. Well if he could have he would have locked Alison in a safe room until this whole thing was over. _I know she can take care of herself and maybe this is the 1940's part of my brain that is screaming at me to not let her out of my sight._

"You alright up there?" asked Sam.

"Just wondering if the lawyers can use me saving the world as part of their case. I mean if that doesn't prove how reformed I am than nothing will," said Bucky and Sam shook his head.

"I think we should all be able to use that dream team he got for you two. Think they'll give you guys a break on the bill if we save the world?" asked Sam.

"According to Hogarth the press coverage Robert and Alison provided was worth the work. I think Foggy and Murdock took it on because they wanted to do the right thing. I'm still on the fence if I want them to bring my case to court," said Bucky. Sam went to say something, but they ran into Bruce and Rhodey.

"Well it's not good up there," said Sam and he started giving them a report. _Honestly I don't know what the best choice is or if we made it. Once we get through this we can find out if we made the right choice._

 _April 2018_

Bucky gave Alison's arm squeeze as they took their seats in the meeting room. Alison yawned and took a deep pull from her coffee cup. She hadn't been sleeping well for over a month now and Bucky hoped this meeting and the following phone call would do something to put her at ease. They had talked about this for weeks and they had nearly gotten into a fight or two about it. He didn't like fighting with her and well he was worried about her. This whole thing seemed to have worn her down and he wondered if this was the best thing for them.

Alison wanted to see if the lawyers who had represented her would represent him. She loved him and loved the life they had here. She told him she was scared of losing that though. Her fear was of him being caught, tried and sentenced to either life in the Raft or death.

"I just...I don't know if we'll ever see a day in court, but it would be better for us to have someone in our corner just in case," said Alison. Bucky had thought of what a trial would look like for him and they were never good thoughts. He was worried about what would come out if they did take him to court. Tony's parents were just the tip of a very big shit heap.

"They would have to know everything," said Bucky and Alison nodded.

"About us. About Hydra..." said Alison letting her sentence drop off.

"Ally...they're going to treat us like we're a freak show and a whole lot worse," said Bucky. "I can't have people knowing what they did to me. I mean I know Natasha leaked the files about me and that people know I'm alive, but having people know what they did to me," said Bucky with a shudder.

"I just...I don't know. I thought having the charges go away would make things better and it really hasn't" said Alison. "I don't wanna risk doing or saying the wrong thing or else they can just put them back on me. I'm worried that someone might talk about us and we'll lose any control we have. We didn't keep things under wraps before you left and I have no idea how good Tony's NDA are. I didn't ask for this," said Alison.

"I know you didn't," said Bucky. "I just...I'm scared too," said Bucky.

"I wish it hadn't happened this way. If he really wanted to help me he would have stayed out of it," said Alison barely hiding her contempt.

Bucky wondered how he would feel if his father came back after years of being gone. His father had been a mean drunk with a heavy hand so there had been no love loss when he had gone. However he knew Alison had loved her father and his 'passing' had impacted her life. She had blamed herself for his leaving her and it was something she had carried for years. Finding out that he was alive was like pouring acid in wounds she had managed to close and were still healing. Still it wasn't like her to be so cold. Even after he had come back there was still some warmth between them, a spark really, but at least something was there.

"Have you talked to him since that first call?" asked Bucky.

"No. I've talked to Sophia a few times...Renee really doesn't wanna talk to me. Than again she might have be on speaker so maybe he's heard me talking. What do I even say to him?" asked Alison. "Hey thanks for dropping back in. I'm thirty two now and I really could have used a parent when I was like..seven. Maybe when I was thirteen it would have been nice to have my father around. Maybe he could have stopped by after I nearly died during an alien attack on New York. Maybe just a letter between the ages of five and thirty two would have been nice. Just knowing he was alive would have been great," said Alison bitterly.

"I understand you're mad at him and you have ever right to be, but you forgave me after I left," said Bucky.

"It's different. What happened between us is totally different," said Alison. Something in her tone made him want to press her, but she told him she was tired and was going to bed. It was early, but she looked so tired he dropped it.

That had been a week ago and now they were going to meet with a CIA agent that T'Challa had told them had been assigned to their case. T'Challa promised that it would just be this agent and that he was a fair man who would listen to them and see what he could do for them. Alison had contacted the lawyer and she would be on the call while Alison was being interviewed. Alison took his left hand in hers.

"I got to meet this agent in Berlin for a bit. He seemed like he wanted to do a good job," said Alison with a very tired and weak smile.

"Did I hurt him?" asked Bucky recalling how he had been triggered to kill in Berlin. _Something else I would have to answer for._

"I don't think so. I was sort of knocked out when it happened," said Alison rubbing her forehead without thinking about it. Bucky's grip tightened when they heard the door open. The stood up holding hands when T'Challa and another man who was a little taller than Alison came in. He looked prim and fussy to Bucky and he was oddly reminded of Falsworth.

"Agent Everett Ross, I would like to introduce to Sergeant James Barnes and his wife Alison Barnes," said T'Challa. Ross shook both their hands before addressing Alison.

"The press still has you going by Conley. Should we correct them?" asked Ross he sat down next to T'Challa and they sat down across from him.

"Not yet. If you want to get into legality of it we're not married, but I consider him my husband and nothing will change that," said Alison.

"I understand she has asylum here, but you being here is a different story," said Ross and his eyes went to Bucky. Bucky was about to say something when T'Challa spoke.

"Before the incident in Berlin you told me I was granted the right of extradition concerning Sergeant Barnes. In light of his innocence involving my father's death he was granted immunity to stay here. I felt it was best to keep that quiet," said T'Challa.

"Oh did you," said Ross sounding a bit annoyed. Alison didn't say anything, but Bucky could tell she was a bit stunned and to be honest so was Bucky. This was new to both of them or maybe it was something he had cooked up just now to cover them all.

"You'll find my country does not have an extradition treaty with anyone so your county does not have a right to him. Ms. Conley is also a free woman and she can stay has long as she likes," said T'Challa with just a hint of a grin. Ross sort of gave him a grin.

"Did you think this up or did your sister?" asked Ross.

"We might have worked this out together," said T'Challa with a grin. Ross shook his head and looked at both of them.

"I'm not going to lie to you Mrs. Barnes. It was easy for Hograth to get the charges against you dropped. Compared to the others you are a rather small fish. Your husband on the other hand," said Ross looking at Bucky.

"I'm kind of a big deal huh?" said Bucky dryly. He wasn't surprised that he would be wanted for the crimes he had committed over the years. _I didn't do it, but I did it so there is that consider,_ thought Bucky.

"That's putting it mildly," said Ross.

"My husband was a POW taken by the Russians and Hydra. Instead of being sent home he was tortured and brainwashed for years. When they weren't using him they put him in a freezer for safekeeping," spat Alison. Bucky squeezed her hand lightly and felt her untense a bit.

"I've read the files and words cannot begin to express how sorry I am for what happened to you Sergeant Barnes. To say it was cruel is an understatement. I am here though to take statements from both of you once we get Mrs. Hograth on the line. Once this is done I'll do what I can with her to get all your cases dismissed Sergeant. If it was up to me they would be,"said Ross.

"Thank you," said Bucky and Alison squeezed his hand.

"Let's call her and get this started," said Alison. With a hand that was shaking a bit, Bucky watched her dial what felt like an endless series of numbers before the phone started to ring. They were using an old landline phone with a speaker. Alison had debated using Skype, but somehow this felt safer to both of them. The phone rang twice before being picked up.

"Jerri Hograth," said a woman with a very tight voice.

"Ms. Hograth. This is Alison Conley."

"Ms. Conley. I'm happy to hear from you. Although I prefer to be in the room with my clients I understand your hesitation to come back to New York and while I'm not opposed to traveling the logistics of meeting you are complicated since you won't reveal your location to me," said Hograth in a cold and clipped tone. _Brrrr,_ thought Bucky. _I bet she could freeze water with a look._

"I assure I'm fine," said Alison.

"Ms. Hograth, my name is Everett Ross and I'm with the State Department to question Ms. Conley about her involvement concerning the incidents that happened in Berlin, in Leipzig and what happened after she left with Captain Steve Rogers. The country she is residing in has promised her asylum. It is not in the interest of the American government to demand they return her and currently the State Department is not interested in trying to find new charges to bring up on your client. We're considering this interview with her a de-briefing," said Ross.

"And what happens when another department decides to bring up charges based on what could be revealed during this interview? I would like to advise my client that it is in her best interest to not say anything. I would like to speak to someone from the country who was so kind to grant her asylum. I want to be sure that any demand from any government will not result in my client being tossed to the wolves," said Hograth. Alison gave him a small grin. The children had taken to calling him the White Wolf. _Considering she already sleeps with one,_ thought Bucky.

"Ms. Hograth, I am King T'Challa of Wakanda. Ms. Conley was personally granted asylum by me. Before the bombing at the UN she was to be honored by my late father for her bravery in saving the lives of our ambassadors. I owe the woman a great deal. I can assure you her safety will not be used as a bargaining chip. You have my word," said T'Challa. The line went silent and Bucky was sure they broke her brain when there was a deep sigh.

"Thank you your highness. It does give me some relief knowing where my client is and that the King of a country is promising her safety. I hate dealing with a middleman" said Hograth. "However before my client talks to anyone I would like to talk her alone. Considering all the work my team and I have put in I still haven't spoken to her," said Hograth.

"Very well," said T'Challa. He and Ross left the room and Hograth let out another deep sigh.

"I have dealt with some rather complicated people in my time, but you take the goddamn cake," said Hograth.

"I consider that an honor," said Alison. "Actually there is someone else here I was hoping you would speak too," said Alison. She gave his hand a squeeze and Bucky took a deep breath before speaking.

"Ms. Hograth. My name is Sergeant James Barnes...I used to be the Winter Soldier," said Bucky. There was a good fifteen seconds of silence on the line before Hograth spoke up.

"I had hoped to keep your relationship with the former war criminal off the books," said Hograth.

"I don't think that's possible," said Alison. She gave Bucky a small smile, but it was hollow. The term war criminal bounced his head. "I have proof of what was done to him by Hydra and Russian government. Well a friend of mine has it and I can give you more. I want you to represent him," said Alison.

"Ms. Conley do you know who you in the eyes of the public?" asked Hograth. Before Alison could speak Hograth went on. "You are a pretty, young white woman who suffered a tragic loss and got taken in trying to be a superhero. Trying to throw you in jail wouldn't have gotten anyone any points. There would have been protests to get you out of jail. Documentaries. They would have compared you other women serving long sentences for abuse. If this goes public that image goes out the window and maybe you go into that cell after all," said Hograth.

"Please. I'm begging you to just hear us out," said Alison trying to keep her voice steady. Bucky dug his left hand into his thigh to keep himself grounded. Alison wasn't an abuse victim and her being painted has such pissed him off and depressed him. She was the bravest person he had ever known. She had risked her life repeatedly and people thought she was an object of pity.

"I'm willing to represent you because you are good publicity and…" There was a sigh on the line and Alison tensed up when her father started speaking.

"I can get someone to represent him, but I wanna see you first," said Robert.

"How long have you been on this line?" hissed Alison.

"I agreed to let him listen in to prove you were alright,"said Hograth.

"Well it's nice to know my lawyer will just let anyone listen in," snapped Alison.

"Listen to me. I know two good lawyers who will see to it your man gets a fair shake. However I want to see you. I'll bring them to you and you can tell them everything you want. Only if I get to see you," said Robert.

Bucky was tempted to take the phone and throw it against the wall. It was emotional blackmail and her father was using him as the bait. He had been willing to give the man some slack, but this was shitty. Before Bucky could tell him what he really thought Alison was already speaking.

"I'll ask if you and lawyers can come here," said Alison. She got up and walked out of the room.

"Wow to think Alison spent all those years missing you," said Bucky.

"I know this seems harsh to you, but...she's all I have left," whispered Robert. Bucky wondered if the pain he heard in the man's voice was real or an act when Alison came back in with T'Challa and Everett.

"I'm told you would like to see your daughter," said T'Challa.

"Very much," said Robert. He sounded tired and broken to Bucky. However seeing how enraged Alison looked tamped down some of his pity. A deal was made. Robert could come and he could stay for up to six weeks as a visitor. Alison had shot T'Challa a look when that number had been tossed on the table, however her face turned to ash when T'Challa started speaking of how there was much he wished he could say to his father if he were alive.

"Not all my words with him would be good, but they would be had," said T'Challa.

"No press. Just you and lawyers," said Alison through gritted teeth.

"Of course," said Robert.

"I'll have someone contact you in a few days with flight plans and other arrangements," said T'Challa.

"Now can we get on with what we came here for?" said Ross.

"Yes," said Alison.

They talked for hours. Alison had to stop several times to keep his name off the records saying she had to speak to her lawyer in person on the matter in question. By the time it was done Alison looked exhausted and her voice was hoarse.

"Well that's all for now. Thank you for your time Ms. Conley," said Ross. They shook hands and he left the room.

"Alison…" started Robert and Alison hung up the phone. T'Challa gave her a look.

"I'm tired and he'll be here soon enough to say whatever he wants to say to me in person. I just wanna go home," said Alison. Bucky sighed and put his hand on her lower back. He could feel how tense and stiff she was.

"It has been a long day. I'll let you know when they'll be here and where they'll be staying. Get some rest," said T'Challa.

The ride home was silent between them, but Bucky could tell how tense she was. He honestly didn't know what to say to her. The enraged woman next to him was someone he didn't really know. When they got inside their small home she picked up a pillow and screamed into it.

"Ally…" started Bucky.

"God damn him. How dare he...he has no right to use you to get to me...and…" Alison cut herself off and ran outside. Bucky heard her throwing up before she started sobbing. _Jesus Fucking Christ._ The last time he had seen her this upset was when she had found out her doctor had been part of Hydra, even then she hadn't been upset to the point of being physically ill. He knew that sometimes her anxiety made shit even harder for. It had been a long time since her brain had gotten stuck and clearly her mind had decided it was time to mess with her. Bucky went outside and rubbed her back slowly.

"Just breathe alright. Slowly. I'm right here. I'm right here," said Bucky. 


	4. First Impressions

_May 2018_

Bucky watched as the plane landed and his grip tightened on Alison's hand. Her father and his lawyers were on that plane. They would have their meeting at the palace. The lawyers would stay here for a few days to conduct their interviews before leaving. Alison's father would stay in the village nearby. Bucky had heard some of the farmers he traded with talking about how odd it was that her father wouldn't be staying in their home. Alison said she would rather sleep with the goats than let _that man_ in her home. Bucky was tempted to say it was also his home too and dropped it when he saw the look in her eyes.

Before the serum Alison had been on medication to help with her anxiety. Since the serum nothing seemed to work for her. Her body just processed it too fast to do any good. She had it under control for the most part, but the last few weeks had turned her into a ball of nerves. Bucky wished he knew what to say, but considering the only reason she was doing this was for him he wasn't sure what he could say. He had debated telling her to call off the deal. T'Challa had promised him immunity in Wakanda, she had asylum here so why bother. The thing that made the most sense to him was because she wanted something to be righted for him. Bucky still wasn't sure anything could be righted for him, but if she was willing to try so should he.

"You look nice," whispered Bucky and for a second he saw the person he knew. She rolled her eyes and gave him a small smile.

"Shuri was nice enough to find white girl make up for me. It's the first time I've worn make up in over a year," said Alison. She was wearing a long dark purple dress and her hair was pulled back into a braid. T'Challa had given him a formal outfit for the meeting and Bucky found himself wishing for his work jeans and shirt. The long jacket was tight on his left arm and he felt stifled.

"You don't look so bad yourself," said Alison. He kissed her lightly on her forehead before the doors to the plane opened. A few moments later three men came walking towards them, Bucky felt Alison stand up a bit straighter and take a deep breath.

Robert Conley Jr seemed to be frozen in place looking at his daughter. A man with dark sunglass and a stick took his arm. He whispered something to Robert and he nodded. Another man with light hair and round face came up to them.

"Ms. Conley. Sergeant Barnes. I'm Franklin Nelson, but you can call be Foggy," he said shaking their hands.

"Foggy?" repeated Bucky trying to hide his skepticism. Alison assured him that Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson were good lawyers. She explained the case of Frank Castle to him and how they had taken down a mob boss. She was sure they would do right by them.

"It's nice to meet you," said Alison.

"I've heard so much about you it feels like I know you already," said Foggy with a grin. Alison was about to say something when Matt and Robert approached them.

"Ms. Conley. Sergeant Barnes. I'm Matt Murdock," he said. Alison held out her hand and went red a second later.

"Happens all the time," said Foggy with a shrug. "She's on your right Matt." Matt extended his hand and Alison shook it.

"Thank you for coming," said Alison.

"It's our pleasure. Just so you know the travel is off the books for this one," said Matt with a small grin.

"We'll work out a rate for next time," said Foggy.

"Hello Alison," said Robert. His voice had a hint of a Texas accent and looked so damn nervous the Bucky almost felt bad for him. He was wearing tan pants with a white shirt and tie. His brown hair was close cropped, but he was clearly going gray. He had the same sharp green eyes as Alison, but the bags under his eyes dulled them a bit.

"Hi," said Alison flatly. Robert went to hug her and Alison recoiled like she was about to be hit. Bucky quickly stepped between them like he was protecting her from that blow. Robert nodded and shoved his hands into his pants pocket.

"I'm sorry...it's too soon. I get that," said Robert.

"Why don't we start our interview with Sergeant Barnes and you two can go for walk," said Foggy clearly trying to break up the tension.

"I guess. We'll meet you back here for dinner," said Alison. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and Bucky squeezed her hand.

"See you later," said Bucky. Alison and Robert headed towards the gardens and Foggy let out a low whistle.

"Well that was seven layers of awkward," said Foggy.

"I understand this isn't easy for her and it's not easy for you to see her going through this," said Matt.

"That's an understatement," said Bucky.

"I know it's a lot to take in, but he really does mean well for her. He sat in the lobby of my office for over eight hours waiting for me. I just took the meeting to pity him, but when he talked about her...he would do anything to make it up to her," said Foggy.

"It's why you're here," said Bucky.

"Come on. Let's talk," said Matt.

…

Alison wished the dress had pockets. She wanted something to hide her hands in. She wanted to dig her nails into her palms so at least she had something to focus on. The man beside her was a stranger and it was an effort of will to not scream at him to leave her alone. _Everything was fine before you reared your head back into my life. Well as fine as it could be it._ The last few weeks had been draining. She was sleeping for shit and had no appetite for anything. Eating upset her stomach and it was an effort to keep food down. The last time she had felt this horrible was after Matt died.

"Your mom used to do that too," said Robert and Alison looked over at him.

"Do what?" asked Alison sharply.

"With her hands. When she was frustrated or annoyed she would rub her fingers together the way you are. I know this is a lot to take in and you have a lot to be upset about. You have every right to feel that," said Robert.

"Well thank you for giving me permission to be upset," said Alison dryly.

"I didn't mean it like that. Damn it," said Robert. He took a deep breath and looked up at the sky before speaking to her. "What I did to you was wrong and it wasn't fair. You were barely three years out of diapers, you just lost your mother and you were in a strange place. You needed me and I couldn't be there for you. I didn't know how to handle you being so upset and just...it was too much Too much by far," said Robert.

Some rational part of her brain was trying to speak up about how she should understand about how hard coping with loss and stress could be. She had lost her mother, but he had lost her too. Kids were hard enough when things were fine. Plus her grandfather had been hard on him, maybe too hard at times. The childish voice of her hurt came out though.

"I loved you. I needed you and you just walked out. Do you have any idea what that weekend was like? I waited for you to come get me from school. I waited and waited...I thought you had just forgotten again so I walked myself home. It was the longest and scariest three blocks of my life," said Alison. Robert winced at her words and Alison went on.

"I had to go to Sarah and Renee since I couldn't get into the apartment. Sarah got so mad at me for walking home by myself. Renee was home sick so that's why she wasn't in school that day. Sarah had me wait in their apartment while she went upstairs. She came back and said you must be out and just lost track of time. That I would just stay with her and Renee until you came back. I waited for you to come back. It wasn't until it started to get dark that it really started to hit me that something was wrong. She told me it was going to be alright and that I would just spend the night there. When I woke up grandpa was there and we went to police to file a missing person report Sunday night. That's always fun when you're five and the police are asking you to remember what your dad was wearing or what time you started walking home. Did he say anything odd or tell you that he was going away? Telling you that you won't get in trouble if you did promise not to tell anyone what he told you," said Alison.

She quickly wiped back tears. She wasn't going to let him see her cry. She was a married woman and wasn't going to let her _father_ see that he could still make her cry.

"For five years every time we went to service I made him light a candle for you so you would come home. For five years I prayed every night for you to come home. I promised that I would be good and that I would never ask for another thing if you would just come home. I stopped doing that when I was ten and went to your funeral," spat Alison.

"I never meant to hurt you like that. I just...I didn't know how to be your parent after your mother died. I know it's a piss poor excuse. I could have tied harder to be there for you. I just...I was broken Ally. You know what it's like to lose the person you love more than anything. You just want something to stop hurting," said Robert.

"I nearly died during an alien attack. I found out that the person I loved was dead after waking up from a six week coma. My life was a wreck and I didn't see it getting it better. So yeah I wanted to stop hurting. I spent years trying to understand why you left. It took me a long time to forgive you...it's really hard to be mad at a dead person," said Alison.

"It's very easy to be mad at the living though. It's harder to forgive the living," said Robert.

"You have no idea," said Alison.

…..

"So how long have you two been together?" asked Foggy as he and Matt started setting up in the conference room.

"Here or in general?" asked Bucky and Matt smiled slightly.

"In general to start with. We'll move to how you got here in time," said Matt pulling out a chair and taking out a tape recorder from his bag.

"We met in 2015. She didn't know who I was at first. She just thought I was a random homeless guy by a dumpster," said Bucky. Matt turned on the tape recorder and Foggy sat down with a notebook.

"Alison's friends told us she used to volunteer doing homeless outreach," said Foggy and Bucky nodded.

"Alison said she knew something was wrong with me when I wouldn't come over to the table to get coffee and donuts. I was hurt. My arm...it was shorting out. She brought me food and gave me a card for the shelter in case I wanted to come in and get looked at. I hid my hand and arm so she couldn't see it. Honestly I thought she had been sent as test from Hydra. I had been on the run from them for about a year. I don't know. I wasn't in a good place really," said Bucky.

"You didn't know about her friendship with Sam Wilson?" asked Matt and Bucky fought the urge to roll his eyes. They had to ask these questions to build a case for him. They would have to know everything.

"No. I didn't even know who Sam Wilson was. I didn't even remember my own name until 2014," said Bucky. Foggy laid out some pictures someone had gotten on a cell phone of his fight with Steve and Sam off the Causeway.

"You had no idea who this man was?" asked Foggy pointing at Sam.

"I knew he was mission. Not his name. Not who his friends were. He was just a mission target," said Bucky.

"It might be best if we start all the way back at the beginning. What happened after you were assumed to be KIA in 1944," said Matt.

So Bucky started from there. How he had been found by Hydra and the Russians. He talked about the torture, the abuse, and the brainwashing he endured until they broke him. Bucky watched Foggy's face turn white has he described Georgina's rape and murder. He watched as Matt's fists clench when he described one of the operations to attach his arm. They talked for what felt like forever and they were only twenty years into his time has a Hydra plaything and weapon.

"Why don't we take a break," said Matt.

"I'm fine," said Bucky. While he hated talking about his time with Hydra the sooner it was done the sooner they could get something started for him.

"I need a break," said Foggy. He quickly got up from the table and left the room. Matt sighed and paused the tape recorder.

"I take it Alison knows all of this," said Matt.

"Before we got involved she was my psych nurse. Even after she stopped treating me I told her everything I could remember. I never tricked her or forced her to stay with me and she never tricked me or forced me to be with her. I know how it looks, but we love each other. It's been hard at times and we've hurt each other. The last year though has been really good for us. It's been peaceful. We just...we just want to be left alone. I know he's her father and that maybe he does love her, but all of this is just stressing Alison out. Is there anyway we can make this go away? I can't...I can't let her see me living in cage Mr. Murdock," said Bucky.

"If I could go back to December and make Robert not see Foggy I would try. I know how hard it is to find out your parent isn't who you thought they were. My own mother tried to protect me and it just ended up hurting me for years. I forgave her though and I hope Alison will be able to do the same for her father. I know this seems hard and unfair to the both of you, but this could be just the thing you both need," said Matt.

"We didn't need anything. We were fine," said Bucky.

"You deserve real justice. A chance to tell the world what happened to you. You might have been the gun, but Hydra loaded the gun and pulled the trigger. We don't punish the gun in a crime. We punish the shooter. You're a good man and you deserve to have a life with the woman you love without hiding or worrying about a cage. We can give you both that chance to have that life," said Matt.

"I just want her to be okay," said Bucky.

"We're going to do our best," said Matt. Foggy came back in and sighed.

"I think we'll go for another hour before breaking for the day. We'll pick up again tomorrow morning if that's alright with you?" asked Foggy.

"Sure," said Bucky. He answered their questions and wondered how it was going for Alison with her dad.

…..

"I hope I didn't ruin the idea of parenthood for you. I know I wasn't good at it, but you...I think you would be a great parent. Your mother...god she was amazing. She wanted a house full of kids" said Robert as they walked.

Alison felt twangs on rarely played cords in her mind and hated that he had brought up having children and her mother in the same thought. _Would you like some salt for the wounds?_ Alison shook her head and tried to tamp down some of the harsher thoughts she had. He didn't know Bucky and she hated having to explain this to people. She knew people meant well when they asked why she and Bucky hadn't had children, but it twisted her heart a little. When she would see Bucky playing with the village children it made her hurt for him. Bucky was clearly good with children and would have been a good father if he had a chance.

She had wanted children with Matt and had even planned on having them after she finished school, but before really settling into a job. After Matt's death she wasn't sure anymore about having children. Alison thought about how her mother's physical illness, her father's mental illness and her own struggles with PTSD and decided that biological children might not be a good idea. _Beside adopting is always on the table if I meet someone and they want kids._

That however wasn't going to be the case for her and Bucky. No one in their right minds would let them adopt a baby considering who they were now. Maybe if life events had not put them on a wanted list they could have adopted. She had thought briefly about trying to have their own children, but Alison wasn't sure if what Hydra had done to him could be reversed and even if it could be done there was still a chance he couldn't have children without a great deal of testing and prodding.

"We can't have children. Hydra...they made sure he couldn't and well I don't know if anyone would be willing to let us adopt. Comes with being wanted criminals," said Alison dryly.

"You aren't a wanted criminal anymore. I'm sure if you came home and gave it some time you could start over with a clean slate," said Robert and Alison fought the urge to roll her eyes.  
"I'm not going anywhere without Bucky," said Alison flatly. Robert shook his head and sighed deeply.

"It wouldn't be forever. Just for bit so you can get things in order in case he…." Robert cut himself off and Alison wanted to throw something.

"In case he goes to jail. Unless Murdock and Foggy can get the charges dropped against Bucky we're not leaving Wakanda and I wish the American government luck trying to get in here to get him." said Alison. She turned to walk away when Robert grabbed her arm hard.

"It's not just our government who wants him. The EU, the Russians...I know he's not a bad man, but in case this goes bad for him. I...I want you to be okay," said Robert.

"I was okay until you showed up again. We've been happy here and you decided to come back into my life and throw a bomb in it. I didn't ask for you to plead my case and drag our history and lives into the light. I know people think I'm some sad, crazy lady who got brainwashed, but what do the think about you? What do they think about a man who left his daughter after her mother died and didn't come back for almost 25 some years? If you came here to try to get me to leave, you are on a fool's errand. I'm not leaving Wakanda and I'm not leaving my husband," said Alison.

The tension at dinner was so thick you could almost feel it. Alison forced herself to eat and found the dinner tasted like ash in her mouth. Foggy tried to engage her in conversation and Alison was just too tired to even try. Bucky took her hand under the table and asked her in Russian if she wanted to go home. _Please. Just get me out of here._

…

Foggy sighed and leaned back in his seat. It had been the longest and oddest week of his life and that was saying a lot. They were getting ready to home and see about speaking to a friend of Alison who she had entrusted with her journals detailing Bucky's therapy sessions and Bucky's own journals detailing what he remembered from his time in Hydra. It was an uphill battle for sure and it almost made Foggy miss dealing with the mob. _First the mob and now the Russian government and Nazi death cult._ Matt took his seat and looked just has tired as Foggy.

"Do you Robert is going to be alright here?" asked Foggy and Matt shrugged.

"He broke her heart Foggy. That isn't something you just get over in a week. Beside she has a lot going on and it's not going to get any easier," said Matt.

"Yeah when it comes out she's sort of married to a WW2 vet and former Hydra lackey her life is going to be a little crazy," said Foggy.

He pulled his phone to text Karen and Marcy they were headed home and missed Matt's grin. Yeah that would be enough to make anyone's life crazy. However Matt had heard something that would make both Alison and Bucky's life a tad bit crazier. Matt had been listening to Alison's heartbeat when she was speaking to find out how truthful she was being when in between her heartbeats was a softer, fainter second heartbeat. _I wonder if she even knows yet._

 _Comments are always welcome_


	5. Uncertainty

Rated M for a bit

 _ _June 2018__

Alison took a deep breath and tried to calm her thoughts. She wouldn't be any good if her thoughts were all over the place. She nearly jumped when Bucky put his hand on her lower back.

"You alright?" asked Bucky and Alison shrugged.

"You know it would be nice if they could come see us when we're not looking down the barrel of an alien invasion. Maybe a nice dinner party or cookout. Nope. Alien invasion is the only reason our friends are coming to see us. Honestly it's shitty. We have shitty friends," said Alison deadpan and Bucky shook his head.

"When this is all over we'll try to make new friends with people who don't have superpowers or jet packs or former spys or...wow we do have terrible taste in friends," said Bucky with a slight grin and Alison put her head on his shoulder.

"I just want it to be me, you and the goats again. No alien invasions. No waiting for legal motions. Just us," said Alison and Bucky kissed her forehead.

"Are you sure you're okay? If something was wrong you would tell me," said Bucky. Alison looked up at him and saw how concerned he looked and she mentally kicked herself for making him worry about her right now when there was so much on the line.

"I'm fine," said Alison quickly and Bucky squeezed her arm lightly with his left hand.

"Sweetheart I know you and something has been off with you for weeks now. It's more than just your dad and everything else. I just...it's not like you to keep things from me," said Bucky and Alison kicked herself again. __You idiot just spit it out.__

"It's nothing bad...I just….I need to work something out and...I'm stuck," admitted Alison. Bucky nodded and let his forehead rest on hers. She let him pull her close and he settled his hands on her waist.

"You know I'm right here when you're ready to get unstuck," said Bucky softly.

"I know. I think I almost have it worked out though. When this is done I'll fill you in," said Alison. She kissed him lightly on the lips and felt his hands tighten on her waist quickly before taking a step back. "Come on let's go see if they brought us any housewarming gifts," said Bucky. He took her hand and they watched the Quinjet land.

Alison took another deep breath to calm her thoughts. Vision had been badly hurt during a fight when one of the said alien had tried to take the stone from Vision's forehead. __Infinity stone. Seriously. It sounds like something Kay's or Jared's would sell around the holidays. Buy your girl an Infinity stone to show your love is forever.__

However from what they had been told on the way here by T'Challa the Infinity Stones were no laughing matter. They could wipe out half of existence in the universe if the alien leader Thanos got them and according to Bruce he already had two of them. Tony had gone after one of the aliens who had taken Dr. Stranger and the Time Stone onto a spaceship and couldn't be reached. __Dr. Stranger...no it can't be that Dr Strange. The universe can't be that small.__ It was odd to recall a time when she was just an ER nurse in New York gossiping with other nurses about which doctor, resident, nurse or orderly Strange would go after next.

They were hoping Tony would stop Thanos from getting the Time Stone. Meanwhile they had to keep Vision safe here on Earth as he had one of the Infinity Stones in his head called the Mind Stone. It had also been used to give Wanda her powers which made some sort of sense considering what she could do.

Alison watched Steve and Natasha get off the plane and gave Bucky's hand a squeeze.

"Go say hi for me. I need to check on Vision," said Alison. Bucky gave her hand a squeeze before she walked away. She saw Bruce starting to bow out the corner of her eye and almost started to laugh. Vision was leaning on Wanda and the young woman looked beyond worried.

"Here let me help you," said Alison and Wanda did a double take looking at her.

"Oh my god. You're…"

"Fine. Totally fine. Come on. Let's get you inside so we can check you out," said Alison quickly. __Shit. Keep your thoughts quiet.__ Based on the look Wanda was giving her it was already too late for Alison to take back her thoughts. __She knows. She knows that I'm pregnant and that I haven't told Bucky yet.__

…..

 _ _One week ago__

Alison stared at test and felt like all the air had been sucked out the room. It wasn't possible. She had simply taken this test to prove to herself that she wasn't pregnant and that all her issues were just stressed related. Since going off her birth control her cycle was sort of normal, but when she was stressed she missed it so when April came and went without a period Alison had just chalked it up to stress. When May came and went with it Alison still believed or wanted to believe it was stressed related.

After all Bucky had a vasectomy and the odds of them conceiving were 1 in 1000. At least those were the odds she recalled from her nursing classes on the topic. However they were way too many other signs for the nurse part of her brain to push aside. She was tired all the time, her moods were all over the goddamn place, her head hurt all the time, and eating at times seemed like a chore. __You're just stressed out about everything and once things go back to normal you'll be fine. Just take the test to shut your brain up.__

So she had gotten up early and let herself into the clinic she helped run and took the test before anyone else showed up. Now she was looking a positive result and the only thought running through her mind was sheer panic. __No. It's not possible. This test is bad. I can't be pregnant. No. It's not possible. Not now. We can't handle this right now. We're waiting to hear back from Murdock and Foggy about Bucky's case. I have no idea what this is going to do to me. We both have lesser versions of the Super Soldier Serum in our DNA. What the hell is that going to do to a baby? This might be the only shot we get at having children though. You can't seriously be thinking about terminating this.__

A part of her was though. How in the hell would the serum react with a pregnancy? The serum already sped up her healing process. Would it do the same for a pregnancy? Alison put her hand on midsection and noticed she had put on some weight. Not a lot, but it was only a matter of time before it was clear to everyone. If she was right she was almost twelve to thirteen weeks in. If she wanted to terminate she needed to make up her mind fast. She was tempted to call David and ask for his medical opinion. She wondered if he would pick up though. A few weeks after the group had split up for good, David had left Steve and others. He turned himself in and cut a deal to avoid jail time. Currently he was back with SHIELD. Alison had no idea what deal he cut, but she wasn't sure if David would keep her secret to himself

 _ _Bucky would never forgive you if you ended this without telling him...this might be the only chance you get. You wanted kids once didn't you? Just think it over for a bit. You could have a totally normal pregnancy and a totally normal kid. Go home and tell him right now.__

"I just need to think," muttered Alison. There was a knock on the bathroom door and Dr. Kika was asking if she was alright.

"I'm fine," called Alison. She buried the test in the trash and took it out to the dumpster. The rest of her morning was a blur of patients and her own train of thoughts about what the in world she was going to do. __Tell Bucky. If you knew where Bruce was you could call him and get his medical opinion on the serum and pregnancy. God the first trimester is almost over. How in the hell could I not know I was pregnant? Because you didn't think it was possible. 1 in 1000...you never considered Bucky's healing factor. It's rare, but sometimes recanalization happens. Or whoever did it was fucking moron and didn't do it right. I need a drink and I can't have one because I'm pregnant. I'm not terrible with kids...Bucky...can we do this?__

"Anybody home?" asked Bucky and Alison jerked her head up from the paperwork she was doing. Bucky and Robert were standing there and Bucky was holding a lunch box.

"You left so early you forgot your lunch. We're done for the day and thought you might need a break," said Bucky. The gesture was so simple and sweet it pulled at Alison and she quickly wiped her eyes. __Geez get it together or he's going to guess something is wrong with you.__

"Sure. Let me finish this real fast," said Alison. She scanned the form and was stunned that she hadn't screwed it up. She put it in the 'Finished' box before going outside with them. They went over to a clump of trees near the clinic and had lunch. Bucky had packed her two peanut butter sandwiches, a pear, some salad and a bottle of tea. Alison was finishing up her lunch when she saw Bucky take an apple out of his own lunch box.

"I might have skipped breakfast to come in early. Do you have another apple?" asked Alison. She really wanted that apple. The craving for it just slapped her upside the head out of nowhere. Bucky pulled another apple out and Alison was stunned she didn't devour it whole.

"I could never get you to eat an apple when you were kid. I think it was the only thing her mother and I couldn't get her eat," said Robert. It was one the tip of her tongue to say something nasty and Bucky grabbed her hand.

"I used to hate oranges when I was kid. After I thawed out I wanted orange juice in the worst way," said Bucky.

"It just looked really good. Thanks," said Alison.

On her way home Alison bought a bag of apples and ate three of them before she got home.

…..

At first Bucky didn't know what to make of Alison's father. Bucky had seen first hand how much blame Alison had put on herself for his leaving and his 'passing'. It had molded a great deal of who she turned out to be. Bucky thought Alison still would have wanted to help people had Robert not left her, but would she have pushed herself as hard as she did to help people? __Would she had seen me?__ If Robert had stayed in her life would they have stayed in New York? Would he had taken her back to Texas or somewhere else? Her childhood in New York had brought her to Sam and to him. In a way Robert leaving her was why he had Alison in his life.

Alison spent most of her days at a nearby clinic and Bucky had his farm and he helped out on some of the others farms. Robert would visit for dinner and Alison barely keep her temper in check. Bucky had never seen her like this and part of him really disliked Robert for what he was doing to Alison. On the other hand, Bucky understood the feeling of needing to leave. Of how you could think everyone was better off with you gone. __Didn't you do the same to Alison? It took a bit, but she forgave you. Granted you were only gone for a few months instead of decades. Still she forgave me. I should try to get to know him. Try to understand why he left her for so long.__

So Bucky asked Robert if he wanted to help out putting a new fence up on another farm. Robert seemed beyond happy to have something to do while he was here and they started working together. It was slow at first trying to find something to talk about. Robert had been in Air Force during the first Gulf War, but didn't seem to want to talk about his time there. To be fair Bucky didn't like talking a lot about the fighting he had done in Europe so that was off the table. Robert wasn't a sports guy and Bucky's knowledge of baseball was almost eighty years old. Really the one thing they had in common was Alison so that's where Bucky started.

"What was her mother like?" asked Bucky and the question seemed to take Robert by surprise.

"Jillian. Well...she...she was the smartest woman I had ever met. She had a very dry sense of humor about her. She had a smart mouth on her too. She was engineer. Back in those days we didn't see a lot of women engineers. She had to have a smart mouth to put some of the more arrogant folks in their place," said Robert.

"I didn't know. Alison didn't say what she did...well I don't think she knew. She said her grandfather really didn't like to talk about you guys. She thought it made him sad," said Bucky. He wondered how much shit he was going to get for letting that slip. Alison told him what she knew about her parents when she hadn't really told anyone else. She trusted him on a level that very few people reached. Robert seemed to sense his discomfort and nodded.

"She was a little girl and probably didn't understand or remember what Jillian did. My father...well he and Jill were very hard headed people. I don't think he warmed up to her until after Ally was born. I think the only people my father was really warm too was my mother and Ally," said Robert.

"She said he had a drinking problem," said Bucky. Alison had been honest with everyone about that. Her grandfather hadn't been mean to her, but he had gotten banned from football games for fighting while drinking and Alison told folks she believed the only reason he had taught her how to drive was so she could drive him home if he had too many.

"It's only a problem if you admit it. Yeah he could be a mean drunk at times. Can't count how many times he missed going to the drunk tank. He was a good teacher though. Even drunk that man could teach," said Robert.

"Was her mother's family really not an option?" asked Bucky. Robert swallowed hard and shook his head.

"No. Jill's family was out of the picture when we met. They wouldn't have wanted or loved Alison. It's complicated," said Robert. Bucky wanted to dig, but it seemed wrong to pry into his wife's history that even she didn't know about.

"She really needed you," said Bucky. He was taking a huge risk here letting his man know what Alison really felt, but it needed to said. __He can't just pop back into her life and not understand the real damage he did. I had to face what I did and it sucks. He needs to understand why this is so damn hard for her.__

"She blamed herself for you leaving. She thought she was bad daughter. That you didn't love her because of her mother dying. Alison thought you blamed her for that," said Bucky.

"Why in the hell would she think that?" asked Robert softly.

"Alison knows that her mother wasn't supposed to have kids with her condition. That she missed out on getting a kidney to have her. Alison spent years thinking you hated her for that," said Bucky. Robert sat down on the grass and quickly wiped his eyes.

"I never ever once blamed her for that. Jillian knew the risks and didn't care. She wanted children so badly. I told her we could adopt..hell I would her buy her kids if that's what it took. She knew what she wanted. The day Alison was born was the best day of Jill's life. It was the best day of my life with her. I was scared out of my goddamn mind and yet when I held Alison I knew that it was Jill's way of giving me a piece of herself that would be here when she gone," said Robert.

Bucky sat down next to Robert who was openly crying. Bucky handed him a bandana to wipe his face.

"Do you want me to talk to Alison for you? She really does care about you," said Bucky. He pulled out the chain that held his wedding ring and the dog tags. "She started wearing your dog tags after she got out of the mental hospital. It was her way for remembering not to give up. Her whole life was built on trying to help people like you and her mother," said Bucky. He took off his necklace and took off Robert's dog tag off and put it in his hand.

"I know she's been really nasty and not herself at all, but she really does care about you. That feeling doesn't go away overnight. Trust me I've tried," said Bucky. Robert sighed.

"You look like a man who's tried to run," said Robert.

"And failed. I've hurt her too and yet she still loved me. Found it in her heart to let me back in," said Bucky.

"They do say girls go after men who were like they daddies. You are bit better looking though," said Robert in the same deadpan way his own daughter had that made Bucky sort of laugh.

"You're good to her and you really have no idea how happy that makes me. I know me being here has put a kink in what you two had going on here, but I've seen how she looks at you and it was how her mother looked at me," said Robert.

"She saved my life. In more ways than I count. I love her more than anything in this life," said Bucky.

"I'll talk to her about things and try to keep you out of it. Thank you for telling me the truth. I knew I screwed up, I just didn't want to admit how badly I screwed up," said Robert. They got back to work and Bucky wondered what it would take for Alison to find a way to forgive her father.

…..

 _ _You know maybe you need to mellow out a bit. I know we're pissed off at him and we have ever right to be. Still all this stress isn't good for you or...well it's not good. Your hormones are also not helping you deal with all of this. Try to be nice. Just for a bit,__ thought Alison as she peeled potatoes for dinner. Bucky came up behind her and pressed his lips to the nape of her neck.

"Are you trying to make me cut myself?" asked Alison.

"Not really. I just have a weakness for a woman cutting potatoes. It's a holdover from my Irish upbring," said Bucky and Alison let out a small laugh.

Things had been a bit stressed between them since everything had come out. Not a lot, but some of the ease had slipped between them. __Why am I scared to tell him? It's been almost a week since I took that test and I still don't know what to do. I need to make up my mind and I can't. Part of me wants this more than I ever thought and another part of me is beyond terrified.__ Alison sat down the knife before quickly turning around and wrapping her arms around Bucky.

"That's the first I'm hearing about this weakness. Maybe next time I'll wear a bit less before starting on the potatoes," said Alison. She pulled Bucky close and kissed him slowly. Bucky seemed to hesitate at first before settling his hands on her waist. They had slept together since all the craziness had started, but if she was being honest her heart and mind really hadn't been in the moment. __If he wasn't coming over for dinner I would get on my knees for you right now.__ Bucky pulled back and took a deep breath.

"Well I'm going to go throw myself in the lake. It might cool me off a bit," said Bucky.

"Think you could still want me after dinner," said Alison.

"Only an idiot could not want you after that," said Bucky softly and Alison nudged him away so she could finish make dinner. __I just need to clear my head a bit and think this through. Just try to be nice over dinner and go from there.__

…..

Bucky could see that for the first time weeks Alison was trying to be somewhat civil with Robert. Bucky could see that she was trying to start conversations and answer some questions about her day and what type of nursing she had done before coming here. It was the first time the meal hadn't been silent or Robert trying to make small talk only to have Alison shut down or be plain nasty to him. Bucky knew this wasn't easy for her and that she needed to get all of the mad out of her system or else it wasn't going to get better. Yet sometimes at night she was just a stiff cutout in the bed next to him and he wondered if it would be best if Robert just left. __I know how he really feels though and how much he wants to do right by her. Still how fair is this to her.__

Alison's free hand gripped his left hand and Bucky could feel that she was nervous. __Oh sweetheart what is going on in that head of yours?__

"You know I have some pictures of your mother with me. I've been meaning to show them to you...if you want I could bring them with me tomorrow night," said Robert and Alison's grip tightened on his hand.

"I...I um….I think I would like to see them," said Alison and Robert gave her a small smile. When Robert left that night Alison let out a deep breath and Bucky rubbed her back.

"I know how hard you're trying sweetheart. I'm proud of you," said Bucky. Alison shook her.

"I know that I haven't been the easiest person to live with the last few weeks. Honestly I've been kind of a bitch. I just….I don't know. I...thank you for dealing with me and not running for the hills," said Alison.

"I love you and nothing will ever change that. Beside after almost three years I was bound to see you be a tiny bit bitchy...and it's sort of justified. I know he hurt you, but I know you're too fair to not give it a chance even though all you want to do is yell and be hostile. I know you sweetheart and you'll do the right thing in the end," said Bucky. He went to clear the the table and missed the worried expression that crossed her face.

Bucky put their dishes in the makeshift sink before he felt Alison wrap her arms around him and she pressed her face against his back.

"Those can wait," said Alison and she started unbuttoning his shirt. Bucky eased out of the shirt before turning around to face her. __What is going on in that head of yours?__ There was something weighing on her mind and it wasn't like her to not share. Bucky reached down and pulled her hair out of her it's ponytail.

"Ally…" started Bucky and was quickly stopped by her mouth on his. Clearly this was what she needed right now and when she was ready to talk to him she would. __Besides how many times have I just needed quiet and comfort. She needs that right now.__ Bucky pulled her close so she could feel his erection and Alison sighed deeply.

"You have no idea how badly I wanted to get on my knees for you," whispered Alison and any sort of rational thought left Bucky's mind at that statement. Alison grinned slightly before kneeling down in front of Bucky and undoing his pants. Bucky barely had time to adjust when Alison has him in her mouth and he feels the tip of his member hitting the back of her throat.

"Damn it," mutters Bucky and he weaves his fingers into her hair trying to get to pull back. Alison pulls back and she runs her tongue over his tip and Bucky shudders.

"Too much?" asked Alison with a slight smirk on face. She runs her tongue over the tip once more before taking him slowly. The pace now is meant to tease him, stopping right when he hits the back of her mouth. The way her tongue runs over his shaft each time she takes him back in. Alison puts her hands on his hips and keeps him in place so he can't thrust deeper into her mouth.

"Do you want me beg?" asked Bucky hoarsely. Alison answers by humming as she takes him a little deeper. "Please...please. Take me….I need it. Please...it's so good. You make me feel so good. I need...I need you. Just take me however you want," said Bucky.

It was like a switch being flipped and Alison takes him down her throat and Bucky moans feeling her throat muscles ease and tighten around his member. Alison grabs his thighs and lets him thrust into her mouth and throat and Bucky can tell by the moans this is what she wanted. The pressure and warmth of her has him losing control and Bucky watches as Alison swallows his release and eases him out of her mouth slowly once he's finished.

"So do you plan on making me beg?" asked Alison. Bucky helps her up and pulls her over to the bed.

"Not right now," said Bucky before his hand slides between her legs.

…..

After they finished making love Alison curled up next to him and Bucky ran his hand down her side.

"I was starting to worry about you. You we're getting too skinny again. I like it when you have curves," said Bucky teasing. Alison gave him a mock glare, but something was off and Bucky quickly kissed her forehead.

"I do. I like my girl to have some hips on her and you have some fine hips. It would be a crime against humanity for you to lose those hips," said Bucky and Alison gave him a mock shove. Bucky took her hand his metal hand and squeezed lightly. "I love you. I was getting a little worried is all," said Bucky. Alison moved a little closer to him and kissed his cheek.

"I will try very hard to no lose my hips for you. I love you too," said Alison. She rolled over and went to sleep. Bucky ran his hand down her body again, enjoyed the feel of her curves before going to sleep himself.

…

Alison went to the clinic the following morning and was trying to figure out how she could explain all the pros and cons of what having a baby would mean for her and Bucky after she finished her shift. __He might be scared just as badly as you are when you finally tell him.__ It was near lunch when she heard someone outside calling that the King was here. Alison went out to the waiting room and saw that T'challa was there with Bucky, Robert and two of the Dora Milaje were there.

"Mrs. Barnes I need you to come with us right away," said T'Challa. Alison saw how grim and determined Bucky looked and felt something like ice sliding into her veins.

"What's going on?' asked Alison.

"A fight," said Bucky sadly and it took everything in Alison to not wrap her hands protectively over her midsection.


	6. The Parting of Ways

_June 2018_

Bucky watched Steve, Natasha and T'Challa walking back from the dome and saw from the looks on their faces that talks at the gate with aliens had not gone well. _Doesn't hurt to ask though._

"So did they surrender?" asked Bucky.

"Not exactly," said Steve.

"Because why make it easy for all of us right," said Bucky.

"I'm getting a lot heat signatures coming from the jungle," said Rhodey.

"Yibambe!" called T'Challa and the warriors behind him called Yibambe in response. _Yibambe...to hold...we have to hold here. We need to give Shuri and Alison time to get the stone out of Vision,_ thought Bucky.

Something broke out of the woods. There looked to be thousands of them and Bucky wasn't sure what to make of them. Some appeared to run on two legs and others appeared to run on all fours. From what Bucky could make out they looked hairless and they didn't appear to have eyes. He could hear them snarling and what sounded like barking and yelping coming from their mouths.

"What the hell?" asked Bucky.

"Looks like we pissed her off," said Natasha.

They ran at the dome and despite the shield being there they seemed to not care. They pushed their bodies through, cutting off their arms and soon their whole upper body in half. The sound of their dying barks made Bucky want to cringe. The smell reminded Bucky of burnt hair and he fought the urge to gag.

"They're killing themselves," whispered Okoye in horror. _I don't think it's going to be that easy,_ thought Bucky. Sure enough a few figured out to move quickly through the barrier and while they were hurt they had made it through. _It was a test of our defenses. A damn good one too. They may have hurt themselves, but they know what we have here,_ thought Bucky.

Soon it was chaos as the dog-aliens ran towards them. The Wakanda border tribe put up their shields and the Doja Malaje started firing behind them. Bucky waited till they were in shooting range and started firing. He was hitting them, but the numbers seemed massive. _Or maybe their skin is some sort of armor. What the hell are we up against?_ The bodies started piling up in front of the dome and the others started to circle around the dorm. _Shit,_ thought Bucky and a few seconds later Bruce gave his thoughts a voice.

"Cap if they circle around the dome and get behind us there is nothing between them and Vision," said Bruce. It took everything in Bucky to not run back to the city and make sure those things didn't get to Alison and the others. _You're needed here. You have to stay here and make sure they don't get to them. Get to her._

"Then we better keep them in front us of," said Steve and Bucky knew Steve was thinking of the dumbest thing possible.

"How do we do that?" asked Okoye.

"We open the barrier," said T'Challa and Bucky wondered if Steve's brand of stupid was catching. _It's stupid and crazy and maybe the only way we can buy them the time they need,_ thought Bucky.

"On my signal open North-West section seventeen," said T'Challa. The woman in the control room sounded shocked.

"Requesting confirmation, my King...you said open the barrier?"

On my signal," said T'Challa.

"This will be the end of Wakanda," said a large man nearby.

"Then it will be the noblest ending in history," said Okoye. Steve activated his arm shield and Bucky felt his grip on the gun tense up. _This is it...it was like this 70 some years ago…._

"WAKANDA FOREVER!" yelled T'Challa. He motioned them forward as the section of the dome opened to let them enter. They ran at the opening and Bucky saw Steve and T'Challa break ahead of them and start taking out the alien dogs. _Show off,_ thought Bucky as he started firing. Bucky could hear T'Challa in his ear piece asking Shuri how long they would need.

"We've barely begun brother," said Shuri.

"We're working as fast as we can," said Alison.

"You might want to pick up the pace," said T'Challa. _I have faith in you sweetheart. You'll figure out it._

…..

 _They couldn't just put in a USB port and we could have done a download that way? No. They had to use a magic space stone,_ thought Alison as she removed one section of Vision from the stone and started trying to untangle another section of his mind. While the city was miles away they could hear everything clearly. The sound of gun fire, the boom of an explosion and a sound that Alison couldn't place. _Like a dog in a bear trap._ Alison couldn't see what was going on and honestly she didn't want to see it. Wanda was by the window watching the fight and her face was so white it looked bloodless.

"It's going to be just fine," said Robert and he put a hand on Wanda's arm. Alison untangled another section and gave Wanda a small smile trying to reassure her that it was going to be fine. _Just keep your mind on this. That's easy enough._

"I should be out there. I can help," said Wanda.

"They need you up here, darling, Once they pop that rock out we need you to take care of it" said Robert. _Maybe it's a good thing he stayed behind so he. I can't talk to Wanda right now and well he's not doing a terrible job._ Alison started working on another section when she heard thunder, several screams and more thunder. Part of her wanted to ask and she shoved it aside to keep working. _Bucky can fill you in later._

"Well that's something you don't see everyday. See they have it under control...we just have to stay put," said Robert. This section was more complex and Alison swore as she tried to figure out what needed to be done. Outside there was a huge grinding sound and nearly made Alison jump. Things shook around them and Alison felt the urge to throw up. _Really. Morning sickness right now._ She swallowed hard and kept working her section.

"I can't stay here anymore. I'll be back soon," said Wanda. She started to leave the room and Robert took her arm.

"I know you're scared, but you need…" started Robert and Wanda froze him in place. Alison looked at her shocked.

"It won't hurt him. I'll be back soon….just keep working," said Wanda. She took off and Shuri gave Alison a look.

"I really hate it when the colonizers won't listen!" said Shuri. A few moments later it felt like everything shook and a few things did fall off a stand. The grinding sound stopped though and Alison tried to get herself together. _Just focus on this...just focus on this._ A few second later Robert flinched and looked around.

"What the hell was that?" asked Robert.

"Long story," said Alison. Her stomach hurt and she felt like she was going to throw up. _Please. Please not now…_

Without warning they heard someone scream from behind them. They looked to see one of the guards fall to his knees as something dressed all in black knocked him down. His skin was gray and he looked like a bad elf cosplay to Alison's eyes. _It's one of them...they were waiting for Wanda to leave. Damn it!_ The second guard fell and Alison's hands shook as she tried to finish the section she was working. She was vaguely aware of a blaster going off and saw that her father and Shuri were shooting him.

Alison pulled her stave off the table and went to hit whatever this was when he used some sort of blaster and Alison felt herself being thrown back and hitting the wall. She heard glass breaking and before she could pick herself up Vision was off the table and throwing himself at their attacker. They both went out the window several feet below and out into the jungle.

Her head was ringing, but Alison forced herself up and allowed herself thirty seconds to throw up in a trashcan before answering Steve's com call.

"We were ambushed...we tried to fight him off, but he got us," said Alison. She muted her com before throwing up again. _You would get morning sickness right now wouldn't you._ Alison made her way down to where Shuri, Robert and the lone guard was. Robert was picking himself up, Shuri was groaning and the lone guard looked to be out cold.

"Shuri. Shuri….are you alright?" asked Alison. She groaned again and Alison helped her up careful.

"Go...go find him and bring him back," said Shuri. Alison nodded and went to see if there were any more hoverships ships left. Robert was right behind her.

"Please…"started Alison and Robert grabbed her arm hard.

"I am not letting you go out there alone to face those things. I'm coming with you and it's not up for discussion," said Robert. _No because we don't have time for it._

"Fine," said Alison. She pulled away and forced herself to take deep breaths. _Just find Vision….get him back before it's too late._ Somewhere vaguely in her mind she thought it might have been a good thing she hadn't told Bucky yet. _If he knew I was pregnant I would be locked in a closet somewhere. Please let him be okay._

…

"Come and get some, space dogs!" yelled the raccoon. He laughed and fired his gun and Bucky wondered how he was going to explain this Alison. _So yeah we fought alien space dogs and Thor came down with a walking tree and a talking raccoon._ The raccoon was hitting them, but at his height it was too low to do any real damage. _What the hell?_ Bucky picked up the raccoon by the shirt collar and while firing his gun one handed he spun them in circle so the raccoon could hit the targets. _I hope Steve saw that. He's not the only one who can show off,_ thought Bucky. When the nearest targets had dropped Bucky sat the raccoon down.

"How much for the gun?" asked the raccoon.

"Not for sale," said Bucky. It technically wasn't his to sell. _Once this is done they can have it back and the raccoon can talk to them...god is this really my life right now._

"Okay. How much for the arm?" asked the raccoon. Bucky looked down at the raccoon and fought the urge to drop kick him. _Of all the people the God of Thunder could have brought with him._ Bucky walked away and he heard the raccoon mutter about how he was going to get his arm.

Bucky moved down the field taking out targets when he could. He was so focused on what was ahead him he almost missed the com going off in his ear.

"Guys we got a Vision situation here," said Sam.

"Shuri!" called T'Challa over the com and it was silent. Bucky could almost feel his heart stop when he heard Steve trying to call Alison and the 30 seconds felt like forever. She sounded out of breath when she replied.

"We were ambushed...we tried to fight him off, but he got us," said Alison.

"Somebody get to Vision," yelled Steve over the com. If it hadn't been an order and from Steve to boot, Bucky would have ignored the order and gone to make sure Alison was alright. _No...she's going to be coming out here to try and find Vision. Damn it,_ thought Bucky.

"Where is he?" asked Bucky into the com.

"Forty miles south of palace," said Bruce. _Of course he got there first, he can fly in that suit._ "We could really use some backup right now," said Bruce.

"I'm trying," said Bucky as he was stopped by more of the alien space dogs and had to take those out.

"I'm almost there," said Steve sounding slightly out of breath. _God damn show off,_ thought Bucky. However it looked like their numbers were thinning out and Bucky heard one of their towers blowing up. It was starting to become easier to move through the hoard. _We could win this. We just got to get Vision back to Alison and Shuri. This whole crazy thing might work_ thought Bucky as he entered the jungle. The second the thought finished itself he could feel that something was off. It was suddenly too quiet and still. _The way it got right before that first Hydra attack._

"Everyone on my position. We have incoming," said Steve. Bucky was already running, but he had a feeling he just wasn't going to be quick enough. _Or I'm going to wish I wasn't,_ he thought.

He broke through the tree line with Natasha and Okeye to see what Bucky could only assume to be Thanos. He was almost as big as the Hulk, only his skin was purple and there was an odd sort of calm in his eyes as he walked towards them. _Like he has all the time in the world and we're just bugs in his way. Well this bug isn't going down without a fight._

Bucky fired on him and with a wave of his hand, Thanos knocked him back. It hurt like hell and it was hard to get up. _Well you did just get hit with space magic._ Bucky felt dizzy and tried to sit up when he felt another explosion shake the ground. Bucky looked to see that Vision wasn't there anymore and that Wanda was sobbing.

"I understand my child," said Thanos. His gun was just out of his reach, Bucky went to reach for it when he felt frozen to the spot. He looked to see an odd green light coming from Thanos and he felt the ground shake again only it was like the earth was pulling back. _What in the hell?_ Bucky watched in horror as Vision came back together. By the time he managed to pull himself up, Thanos had pulled the stone right out of Vision's head. Crushing his head and killing him. He threw Vision aside like he was nothing and put the stone into the glove on his hand.

Bucky grabbed his gun and went to fire when lighting came down and he saw an axe coming out of the alien's chest. _Well we could have used that a few minutes ago._

"We are two minutes out. What the hell is happening?" asked Alison over the com.

"No...Ally...go back," said Bucky softly as he finally managed to pull himself up and start walking over to where Thor was. Thanos had snapped his fingers and a second later disappeared.  
"Where did he go?" asked Steve. "Thor where did he go?"

Bucky suddenly felt light headed and like something was pulling at him. He looked down to see his hand was dissolving. Oddly enough it didn't hurt. _Like when I landed in the snow...it really didn't hurt...I always thought dying would hurt more._

"Steve," called Bucky. Steve turned and it was on Bucky's lips to ask him to make sure Alison was taken care off and suddenly he felt weightless. _Ally..._

…

Of course most of the hoover ships had been used to transport people out of the city and to safety. Alison couldn't blame them, but still couldn't they have left some behind that were closer to where she was. Time was wasted as she and Robert looked to find one. The three minutes it took to find one felt like forever to Alison.

Later on when all was said and done Alison figured it was about ten minutes between the attack in the lab and getting to where Vision had been located. In those ten minutes the entire world would be changed and Alison would curse the three minutes it took her to get from the lab to where they kept the hoover ships. _If only we had worked faster. If only we could have gotten to him quicker. If only...I failed...they were counting on me...on us...and we failed._

Even when they managed to get the hoover ship they had been attacked by whatever the hell those _things_ were as they made their way out the city and towards Vision's last location. That took another four minutes. When the ship got shot and they lost the engine, Alison thanked god that Robert had managed to land them without the crash hurting them. They then had to fight their way through that last stragglers of the hoard. They had just managed to get the last one down when there had been another explosion coming from the location she had heard Bruce give. _What the hell?_ Without another thought Alison took off running towards the explosion.

"Alison!" called Robert but she kept running. She had to get there and do something...anything. A minute later she felt the explosion pull itself back and it was like she was frozen in her tracks for a second. _I'm so close...please...please._

"We are two minutes out. What the hell is happening?" asked Alison over the com.

"No...Ally...go back," said Bucky and Alison pushed herself to run even harder. Her stomach clenched and she felt like she was going to get sick again. She broke through into a clearing and saw Steve bent down touching the ground.

"Steve...what's going on…I…." Alison noticed the gun nearby and her heart slammed into her chest. She had seen Bucky with that gun before he left. It was then Alison started to hear the screaming and crying coming from everywhere. Alison looked behind Steve just in time to see Wanda turn to ash and float away. Alison felt her legs give out from under her and she hit the jungle floor hard on her butt.

"No…" whispered Alison. _Bucky...Bucky._ Alison took in the ground Steve was touching and saw the small pile of ash and fought the urge to scream. _No….no….no._

"Ally," said Robert putting his hand on shoulder.

"No," whispered Alison and pulled her knees up to her chest. It sounded like the screaming was getting louder.

"Sweetie you need to breathe," said Robert.

"I can't," whispered Alison. She didn't trust herself to speak above a whisper. If she did she might start screaming and if she started screaming she didn't know if she would be able to stop.

"Just a tiny one...just take a small breath," said Robert softly. Alison made herself take one and than another. _You promised to not do anything stupid. Not breathing is stupid. Bucky….Bucky._

"He's gone," whispered Alison. Robert took her hand and squeezed it hard.

"Alison," said Steve. She looked up and saw Steve was bent down in front of her with tears running down his face. "I'm sorry." _I never told Bucky...I never told him and now….how can I have this baby without him?_

…..

The next few hours were a hazy in Alison's mind. She knew she treated people who had been injured during the fight and they seemed to be in the same shocked state she was. Alison was so tired and all she wanted to do was sleep. _Maybe if I go to sleep and I'll wake up and this will be a really horrible nightmare. You thought the same thing when Matt died too. Only it was a nightmare and you had to keep going. You promised you wouldn't do anything stupid._ Alison finished up with the last patient and wondered where everyone had gone too. She was sure Steve had told her where they were going, but she had forgotten. _Does it really matter where they went? Where did Bucky go?_

Alison found an empty exam room with an ultrasound machine and shut the door. _They said it take half the life on the planet. It took Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Shuri, T'Challa. So many...why not our baby?_ She wasn't spotting, but considering they were no bodies to bury who was to say she hadn't lost it and didn't know.

Alison sat down on the bed and undid her pants. She flipped the machine on and put the gel on her abdomen. If she right she was far enough long to see it in an ultrasound. It took a few passes for her to get the right angle and there it was. Alison couldn't make out much, but there it was and it was still alive. _So you made it through._

"Hey we've been looking for you and….oh," said Bruce. He quickly took in the scene and looked at screen. "How far along are you?"

"Thirteen...maybe fourteen weeks. My math could be wrong. We weren't really being careful," said Alison. She flipped off the machine and went to reach for something to clean off gel when Bruce grabbed her hand.

"You...you haven't told anyone?" said Bruce and Alison shook her head no.

"We weren't supposed to have them. We thought Bucky couldn't and well someone didn't snip him right or it healed and….I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him so we could figure out what to do. I mean no one ever thought about what the serum would do to a pregnancy. I was going to tell him and…" Alison felt herself choke on her words and Bruce squeezed her hand.

"Come on….let's go home," said Bruce. Alison cleaned herself up and let Bruce took her to the Quin Jet. Robert had already packed her stuff and was waiting for her. Alison curled up in the back and somewhere over the Atlantic she finally dropped off. _Please don't hate me for not telling you...I was scared. I would do anything to tell you now….I love you James._

Thoughts are always welcome


	7. Lost and found

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" asked Steve and Alison nodded.

"Robert is coming with me. If he….well I just have to know. It shouldn't take that long with the jet," said Alison.

They were still trying to figure out who was alive and who was gone. It had only been a day and they were trying to regroup quickly. Rhodey had gotten in touch with a few of his family members and Pepper, but cell service was still spotty. Natasha was already on her way to the Barton farm and Alison was getting ready to go to Boston to see if Franklin was alright. Steve was staying in New York to see if he could locate Nick Fury. Thor and Rocket... _Jesus I was so out of it yesterday I didn't even notice a raccoon on the jet_ were trying to locate anyone from Asgard and bring them here. Bruce was staying at the compound in case anyone contacted them. Alison had tried calling Sophia, Renee and even Sarah with no luck. _I have to tell them Sam is gone._ Her calls to Boston had also gone unanswered. It was a hard choice, but she had to see if Franklin was alright. Afterall the man was getting into his late 60's and who knew what this was doing to him. _God what if he had a heart attack or got into a car accident. I left him with my dog and I just need to know that something I love other than...I just need to know._

Alison swallowed hard and looked at Steve. He looked beyond tired and worried and Alison had to gather her thoughts. _He was there when Bucky died. He was there when Thanos snapped his fingers. I can't tell him now._

"It shouldn't take more than an hour to get there and well if he's there we'll bring him back with us," said Alison.

"Just be careful. Please," said Steve. Alison could see it clearly in Steve's eyes. _You are the wife of my best friend and now he's gone and even though I know you can handle yourself I need to make sure nothing happens to you because if it does it's going to be my fault._ That look from Steve cemented Alison's decision to not tell him she was pregnant yet. _Just not now. I have to do this first._

"We will," said Alison. She went to hug Steve and pulled her into a bear hug. It took everything in Alison to not start crying. She eased away from Steve and went to go get her supply bag. She was double checking it when Bruce came in.

"So how are you this morning?" asked Bruce and Alison shrugged.

"I'm just trying right now. I gotta head out," said Alison and Bruce blocked the door. Alison gave him a look. "I'm going to Boston and you're in my way," said Alison.

"I'm not going to stop you from going, but….you really should see a doctor," said Bruce.

"Well my last shrink turned out to be a former Hydra doctor so I'm not sure if she's taking patients right now," said Alison and she went to step around Bruce.

"I meant an OB," said Bruce and it stopped her in tracks. "Ally...if your math is right you are almost through the first trimester. I sort of know a little bit about obstetrics, but it would be better for you see someone who is trained professional in it. I know you're freaked out right now," said Bruce.

"That's a goddamn understatement," snapped Alison.

"I know," said Bruce calmly and Alison took a breath to calm herself. "If anyone right now has a reason to be beyond freaked out...scared….worried...you have it in spades. You need to take yourself though. You don't want to take unnecessary risks right now. I'll see if I can find a doctor while you're out," said Bruce.

"I can't tell anyone right now. I can't...they...I don't think this is going to be good news right now," said Alison and Bruce sighed.

A part of Bruce hated to admit that she was right and this really was not the best news right now. He had been gone during the mishap with the Accords and the fallout from it. He had been told though that Bucky and Alison had gotten married, well the most married they could get. Bruce didn't know if Bucky and Alison had planned on children, but now it was in the cards and it was a cold slap in the face of how badly they had failed. _He's never going to hold his child and she's going to have to bring their baby into world that's half dead. We failed them and how many others like Alison and Bucky did we fail the other day?_

"Alright. I'll see what I can do while everyone is out. Just...pick up some vitamins at least," said Bruce.

"Thank you," said Alison. She left the room and Bruce fought the urge to throw something. She was right it wasn't good news and it wasn't fair to her or anyone right now.

…..

"So when did you find the time to learn how to fly?" asked Robert.

"It was part of the training program when I joined the staff," said Alison. It was only sort of a lie. Steve and Natasha had trained her after Bucky had left and she had been breezing through her classes. She and David had been the only two to be trained how to fly the jets just in case something really bad happened. _Oh god did David make it. Where is he right now?_

"You picked it up real quick. You're mother was a fast learner too...well maybe not this fast," said Robert.

Alison twisted her necklace and tried to control her thoughts. For some reason the universe had screwed her life up repeatedly. It had taken both of the men she had planned to spend her life with, taken several of her friends and so much more from her and thought it was fair to leave her with a father she didn't know and a pregnancy that she was terrified of and yet now she wanted it more than anything. There was no easy way of trying to deal with this because of who she was now. She didn't think if had been wrong of her to consider all her choices about it since it was her life on the line and she hoped Bucky would have understood that. _I was going to tell him. I wanted to lay it all out for him so we could decide together and…._

"Hey...hey….do you need me to take over?" asked Robert. Alison shook her head and quickly wiped her eyes. She had been crying for almost a minute and was on the verge of sobbing without realizing it. _Yep the hormones are just awesome right now_.

"I just...this guy is a really good friend. I want him to be okay, but I just have this gut feeling that he didn't make it," said Alison. _Well that's another half lie on the pile._

"Sofia told me you got to know each other when you were in the hospital," said Robert and Alison nooded.

"We looked out for each other," said Alison.

"He did not like me in the slightest and for good reason. He said I didn't deserve to have you for a daughter," said Robert and Alison looked at him.

"When did you meet Franklin?" asked Alison puzzled.

"Sometime in January when Nelson and Murdock were looking for character witness on your behalf. We got pointed in his direction and he refused to do it. Wouldn't go along with the story they had about you being crazy or being taken and held. He knew you had your head on right," said Robert. It was still hard for Alison to realize how much of her life had been picked over by lawyers and her own father. _At least I still have some secrets left._

"He was right you know. Did you real think I was crazy or being held in hole somewhere?" asked Alison.

"I didn't know what think. I knew you weren't a terrorist and something in me knew you were out there somewhere. I was worried and...I owed you...maybe that isn't the right word….but it was the least I could for you after everything I did and didn't do for you growing up," said Robert.

"I'm still sort of mad at you," said Alison trying to not cry.

"I would think you're crazy if you weren't," said Robert and Alison let out something between a laugh and a sob.

"I know that just because all this happened doesn't change some of where we were. I know you're trying your best now. Before this happened...I know how much he loved you and well...he told me how much I really had hurt you. So yeah I don't expect this to get better overnight. I was stupid to think it would. I know I've bailed in the past when things have gotten hard and well if this is not the hardest thing for you right now I don't know what can top this, but I'm not bailing this time," said Robert.

"I'm pregnant," said Alison flatly. She didn't know why she was telling him right now, but there was no taking it back now. _Maybe to be sure he's really going to stay for the hard stuff or maybe because I'm tired of trying to keep it all to myself and I just need to let one other person know who isn't going to breakdown._

"I know," said Robert just as flatly and Alison was thankful the jet was on auto or she might have crashed the jet. "Your mother hated apples until she got pregnant. After that it was the thing I had to try to find a 4 am in Texas. I thought you two couldn't though," said Robert.

"Well someone screwed up on his end. I really don't know if I should call it a screw up now," said Alison softly. _It's all you have left of him._

"You loved each other and that wasn't a screw up. Does anyone else know?" asked Robert.

"Bruce. He caught me doing my own ultrasound. It's just a lot right now for me to make sense of. So I can only imagine what it's going to be like for everyone else," said Alison.

"You do what you feel is best for right now. I'm not planning on jumping ship this time. It means a lot that you decided to trust me with this. You're putting on the bravest face for them and you're going to need someone you don't have to brave with," said Robert.

"Thank you," said Alison and for the first time in years she gave her father a hug.

…

There was an empty tea cup on the counter and a kettle in the sink that was about to filled. Alison shut the water off and quickly wiped her eyes. There was a fine layer of dust on the floor. Clearly Franklin had been about to make his morning cup of tea when _it_ happened. She heard a soft whine behind her and turned to see that Bailey was sitting on the stoop outside. _He must have let her out and went to make his morning tea when it happened._ Alison opened the door and let the dog back in.

"Hey girl. You remember me?" asked Alison holding out her hand for Bailey to sniff. Bailey sniffed her and a second later her tail started wagging and she pounced on Alison licking her face while whining. "Oh I missed you too sweetie. I missed you too," said Alison hugging the dog.

"I'm sorry about your friend," said Robert bending down to rub Bailey's head.

"I really hate being right sometimes," said Alison. _The only family he really had was you and he died alone._ Alison wiped her eyes again and she started looking for something to put the dust in. It was the least she could do for him. _Everyone else blew away. I have nothing to bury for Bucky or Sam._ She emptied out a jar of tea leaves and carefully put the ashes in the jar. _Somehow I think Franklin would find it fitting to be in a tea jar._ They took a few minutes to gather up some a Bailey's things and few momentos of Franklin. Alison also found her laptop and Bucky's notebooks in a closet in a box that had his son's personal effects in it. _Thank you for keeping these safe. I'll try to return the favor._ She took the box down and put it in a bag. _Goodbye old friend._

On their way back to the jet Alison let herself into a pharmacy and grabbed four bottles of prenatal vitamins and hid them in the bag.

…..

"Clint was the only one to survive," said Natasha and it felt like a kick in the gut to Alison. She only met his family once, but she had gotten to know Clint during their time in hiding. He was a kind man and a loyal one too. _If only Shuri and I could have worked a little faster. Not been ambushed. We might have stopped this._

"Where is he now?" asked Steve.

"I don't know. He's not ready to come in yet," said Natasha. She got up from the table to look out the window while Rhodey gave his report.

No one knew where Scott Lang or Hope Pym were. The same went for Tony, Spiderman and Dr Steven Strange. _God Spiderman. He's a child by the name of Peter Parker. Who would have thought that arrogant jackass Strange would become a wizard._ Alison had to shove back an insane fit of laughing over that thought. Bruce had spoken to Darcy and it seemed that Erik and Jane had also been taken. Steve sat down what looked like a pager and said he found near the last known location of Nick Fury and Maria Hill. It was flashing and odd red and blue pattern with a gold star in the center.

"Who was he trying to call?" asked Alison.

"We don't know," admitted Steve. He handed it to Bruce and asked if he could take a better look at it. Bruce left the room with it and Rhodey went to try and make some more calls to see who they could still reach out to.

"I'm sorry about your friend," said Steve and Alison nodded and she rubbed Bailey's head.

"I think...I just need to go lie down for a bit," said Alison and she left the room before Steve or Natasha could say anything. It was odd to be in her old room again back at Headquarters. It was like she had never left. Everything was still in its place. It had been kept clean though and Alison crawled into the bed. Bailey went over to the door that separated her room from Bucky's room and whined at the door.

"No girl. Come here," said Alison and she suddenly felt a chill. _AC must be kicking on._ Bailey settled at the foot of the bed and Alison pulled the covers around her tightly trying to warm up.

…..

"Stop doing that," hissed Jillian has Bucky went to touch Alison's hair and Bucky glared at her. Alison shivered and called Bailey over to the bed. It hadn't even been a day and he was already tired of this woman telling him what to do. _She's your mother in law. You're dead and stuck with your mother in law._ Bucky had quickly realized that while he couldn't be seen or heard, he could be felt by Alison. He couldn't help it though. He knew he was dead and yet he so badly wanted to hold Alison and tell her how much he love her and beg her to explain why she hadn't told him about their baby.

"Can you leave us alone or at least leave me alone?" asked Bucky sitting on the edge of the bed by Alison.

"I've been here since she was five and I have no plans to leave now. Stop trying to touch her it's only going to make it worse," snapped Jillian. Bucky laid down next to Alison and he watched as she pulled the blankets around her for warmth.

"I'm not going either," said Bucky and he tried to touch Alison's hair. _I love you so much and I can't go. I can't leave you behind._

 _Like it, Hate it, review it_


	8. Hell is other people

For a man who had almost died repeatedly this was probably the most painless way to go. It really didn't feel like dying. _Maybe this is what dying in your sleep is like._ Bucky had felt an odd tingling feeling, but after being stabbed, shot, and beaten multiple times in the last seventy years this was actually rather pleasant. Than he didn't feel anything at all. It wasn't like being frozen in the cryo and feeling nothing. This was like floating in warm water and being at ease.

The world went hazy though and bright for what felt like a second. Maybe it was a second, maybe it was longer. For Bucky time really didn't matter now. _Do you really want to go now?_ That was an odd question. He was dead. He really didn't have a say did he? _Why do I have to go and where am I going? It's not fair. We were happy...we…Ally._

It was dim at first, but Bucky could hear Alison asking where he was. The pain in her voice was like a knife in the gut. _This isn't fair to her. Where is she?_

"No," whispered Alison and that was what pulled Bucky back. There was so much hurt and lost in her voice that it didn't seem fair that he after everything he had done to be given so much peace while the person who had saved his life be left behind hurting. Bucky closed his eyes and focused on the sound of Alison's voice and when he opened them again he was back in the jungle.

He saw Alison sitting on the ground with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her face was white and Robert was next to her telling her she needed to breathe. It took Bucky a second to realize there was someone else standing next to Robert and Alison. It was a woman maybe about Alison's age. She had dark blond hair and brown eyes. She looked distressed and for a second it looked like she was going to touch Alison, but pulled her hand away quickly. Something about her tugged at Bucky and he couldn't figure out what it was though.

"Ally," called Bucky. It was stupid, but for a second Bucky hoped that maybe he wasn't dead and that she would see him and know he hadn't left her behind again. She didn't hear though and Bucky was sure no one had heard him over the sounds of people screaming and crying. However the woman near Alison looked up at him and was stunned.

"You...I saw you leave," said the woman. Something about her accent bothered Bucky. It sounded familiar somehow. It was her face though that caused him to look again at Alison who looked at Steve blankly has he cried. Bucky could remember Alison showing him a photo of her mother and he couldn't help but see how much Alison looked like her when she smiled.

"You...you're Jillian? Alison's mother…how?" asked Bucky. Jillian sighed and looked a bit annoyed.

"I was really hoping you would go. She's taking this badly now, but she'll be okay in time. She took badly last time too and she got through it. I'll stay with her and you can go and be with your family," said Jillian. _She planned to kill herself and ended up in a mental hospital so yeah she took it badly is one way to put it. She promised to not do anything stupid though._

"She's my family now," said Bucky pointing at Alison who was getting to her feet slowly with Robert's help.

"Don't you miss your mother? I'm sure she's left here by now," said Jillian and something in her tone was starting to piss Bucky off. It was consdening and pissy while she eyed him dissmissivly.

"Listen I'm not even sure where I was going. Considering all the things I did, I'm really doubtful I was going to get in anyway. Besides maybe this is my own hell and I don't have anywhere else to go," said Bucky.

"I'm starting to think this is my hell too," said Jillian. They watched Alison lean on Steve and without another word they followed behind them.

…..

Bucky watched as Alison threw herself into trying to tend to those who were alive and injured. He tried to touch her shoulder and she shivered for a second before going back to stitching up someone's leg.

"Don't do that. It's uncomfortable for them," said Jillian.

"Guess you would know that better than me," said Bucky and Jillain rolled her eyes.

"Yes. I've been dead much longer than you so I do know better," said Jillian. Her hands were in fists and she was rubbing her fingers together the same Alison would when she was annoyed or frustrated with something.

"You've been here the whole time?" asked Bucky. _I know my mother said the dead watch over us, but how long and how much has she seen?_

"On and off. Sometimes I would see how Robert was doing. Mostly I've been with her," said Jillian softly. There was a look on her face that pulled at Bucky, it was a look of love, sadness and pride.

"I'm sorry," said Bucky. He knew how much Alison had missed her mother growing up and how much Alison had needed her. It must have been hard for Jillian to see that and not be able to do anything about it.

"You should be thankful I was gone. I wouldn't have let her throw her life away with you," spat Jillian.

"She didn't throw her life away with me. If you've been here the whole time you know that's she been happy. It wasn't easy and yeah I screwed it up a lot, but she's been happy," said Bucky. It did dig a little to hear her say that. It was a thought that in low moments had popped into his head. _I really haven't had a lot of low moments in the last year though. I was happy with her. Alison was happy. We've helped people and it was peaceful._

"I watched you try to kill my daughter once. You got her kidnapped and nearly raped and murdered by Nazis who wanted you. I watched her cry herself to sleep for weeks after you left her. She could have died in a bombing trying to frame you so it could break up a band of superheroes. She could have been killed during a fight you, your best friend and his former friend got into because you murdered his parents during your assassin days. She's been called a terrorist and now she's...well you've done enough damage for several lifetimes to her. Oh I never thought I would get to say that to you. I've been holding that in for years now," said Jillian looking relieved.

"I never meant to hurt Alison. Never. If you've been here you know I tried to talk her out of this. To go and not look back. She chose this life and it's insulting you think so little of her choices," said Bucky softly. He didn't believe in hitting a woman, but considering she suckerpunched him first he only thought it was fair he punch back.

He loved Alison more than anything. The months they had been apart were lonely and hard on both of them. If he could go back and take back all the damage he had caused he would do it in a second. He couldn't though and having it slapped in his face was cruel. It was also insulting to Alison. She was one of the strongest and kindest people he had ever known. She could have turned back repeatedly and didn't. She had told him the right path was always the hard one. _Since this is so damn hard it must be the right one._ She had done a lot of good in the world and if her own damn mother didn't see that it was her own fault. _Why aren't you happy for her?_

"My daughter has a good heart and unfortunately it overrides her brain. It clearly overrode it when it came to you," said Jillian.

"Thank god she only looks like you," said Bucky.

They watched Alison as she finished treating the last of the patients and Bucky had to fight the urge to touch her again. He wondered if there was anyway for him to let Alison know he was here. _Maybe her mother hasn't thought of everything._ Alison seemed in a daze as she went into an empty exam. She sat down on the exam table and pulled over an ultrasound machine. _What is she doing?_ thought Bucky as Alison undid her pants and started doing her own ultrasound. It took him a second to realize what he was looking at on the screen. It was just a blob. A moving blob and Alison seemed transfixed by it. _That...oh god._

"It's not possible," said Bucky.

"Well considering you're the only person she's been with the last few years it's sort of possible," said Jillian sounding annoyed and worried.

Bucky replayed the last few weeks in his mind. Alison had been tired and moody, but at first he figured it was the stress of dealing with Robert. However the last few days he thought there was something else on her mind that she was trying to work through. _I think I almost have it worked out though. When this is done I'll fill you in._ This was what she had been trying to work out. How to tell him she was pregnant.

""Hey we've been looking for you and…oh," said Bruce. Bucky hadn't noticed him come in and Bruce touched her shoulder. "How far along are you?"

"Thirteen...maybe fourteen weeks. My math could be wrong. We weren't really being careful," said Alison. _We didn't think we needed to be. I can't have kids. I wasn't supposed to be able to have them. They took that from me. I made peace with that for the most part._ There were times when he would see her with the children from the village and it twisted his heart. _She would be a good mom._

"You...you haven't told anyone?" said Bruce and Alison shook her head no.

"We weren't supposed to have them. We thought Bucky couldn't and well someone didn't snip him right or it healed and…I was going to tell him. I was going to tell him so we could figure out what to do. I mean no one ever thought about what the serum would do to a pregnancy. I was going to tell him and…" Alison couldn't seem to get words out Bucky wanted to scream.

Why didn't she tell him? What was there to figure out? Did she think he would be upset with her? Bucky had to admit he was puzzled at first, but hearing her explain it to Bruce made sense. It was possible that someone had done it wrong. Look how long it took for them to get his arm right? He didn't know that could heal, but clearly Alison knew more about medicine and biology then he did. Plus there was the Super Soldier Serum in effect. Still it hadn't enter either one of their minds that it could happen. _We're going to have a baby._

"Come on…let's go home," said Bruce. Alison cleaned herself up and followed Bruce out to the QuinJet. Robert was waiting for her with a bag of her things. _She said she wouldn't leave Wakanda without me. I'm gone so she's leaving._ Bucky watch as Alison curled up in the back of the jet and was clearly trying not to cry. Bucky noticed her arms were wrapped around her midsection as she drifted off to sleep and Natasha covered her up with a blanket. Bucky touched her hair and he could sort of feel it.

"You knew," said Bucky looking at Jillian who was standing next to Robert.

"Yes. I think a part of me even before she took the test," said Jillian.

"How long did she know?" asked Bucky trying to not feel hurt that she had kept this from him. _I thought we weren't keep things from each other anymore. Why didn't you tell me?_

"About a week. She needed to think about keeping it," said Jillian coolly.

"What do you mean think about keeping it?" snapped Bucky.

"Did you not hear what she told that other man? Bruce? She has no idea what that serum could do to baby or to her right now. What if something goes wrong? She needed to think about it on her own without pressure from you," said Jillian.

"I wouldn't have pressured her," said Bucky and he had to admit to himself it was a bit of a lie. A part of him badly wanted children, the old Bucky Barnes wanted children. Hearing that Alison was expecting had pulled that part of him back. However there was another part of him wondering how in the world he could be a father considering all the horrible things he had done. _I've killed children when ordered too. How could I be a father with all the blood on my hands._ However he hadn't considered the physical toll in the equation. The serum had affected her a little differently than him and Steve. What would it do to a baby whose parents both had the serum. _Leave it to you to think of the practical part of it all._

"Could you please keep it down," said a voice. Bucky and Jillian looked and saw a thin, pale man dressed in black pants and a green shirt sitting next to Thor and he looked annoyed. Something about him pinged in Bucky's brain. _Subject-Loki._

"Here I thought I hadn't gone to Hel and yet here I am stuck with my brother, his friends and their dead loved ones," said Loki. It was than they also noticed a tree with eyes sitting next to the raccoon.

"I am Groot."

"Or maybe this is Hel and we just don't know it," said Loki. _No I'm sure this is hell,_ thought Bucky.

…..

Bucky watched Alison get up later the following evening and pet Bailey on the head.

"You hungry girl? You wanna get something to eat?" asked Alison.

Bailey wagged her tail and licked Alison's face. It got her to smile for a second and Bucky was relieved that at least she could still smile. Jillian wasn't around so he ran his hand down her back. _I can still sort of touch her. Come on sweetheart figure out I'm still here._ He had tried touching other things and it hadn't worked at all. This was all he had to work with. Alison shivered and grabbed a hoodie from her closet. He was a bit surprised that Tony hadn't thrown all their things out after what happened in Serbia, but according to Rhodey all their rooms had been left untouched. Well someone came in and cleaned once a week, but everything was left where it had been.

Alison and Bailey went to the kitchen and Alison dumped a large amount of food in the dog's bowl before going over to the cabinets. She pulled out a box of blueberry Pop-Tarts and went over to the fridge and pulled out a carton of almond milk. She poured herself a large glass before taking the box over to the table and started eating them right out of the package. _Jeez at least warm them up a bit first._ She had gotten through half the box when a voice spoke up.

"Are there anymore?" Bucky looked over to see Thor, the raccoon, _I think I heard someone call him Rocket._ Loki and Groot coming into the kitchen.

"I think there was a few more boxes in the cupboard over there," said Alison. Thor nodded and he went over to the cupboard while Rocket sat down at the table. Bucky couldn't read the look on Alison's face, but she was clearly trying to wrap her head around a talking raccoon without being rude about it. Thor came back to the table with four boxes of Pop Tarts and opened up the brown sugar flavor.

"I like these ones the best," said Thor and Alison nodded before going back to her box and pulling out another package. Rocket reached into the strawberry flavored box and took a package out.

"Ugg how can you eat these?" asked Rocket after taking one bit.

"They taste a little better warmed up. Here," said Alison. She took his over to the toaster and put them in for a few minutes. Alison put them on a plate and gave them back to Rocket. He took another bite and shrugged.

"Well it's not the worst thing I have ever eaten," said Rocket and he finished his.

"I don't believe we were introduced earlier. I'm…."

"Thor," said Alison dryly and she held out her hand. "I'm Alison."

"It's nice to meet you. This is my rabbit friend Rocket," said Thor and Alison did a double take.

"Rabbit?" asked Alison.

"I'm not a rabbit," muttered Rocket getting another package out and taking them over to the toaster.

"He looks like a rabbit," said Loki.

"On your world," said Bucky and Loki grinned a bit.

"You would be right. On my world...well what used to be my world," said Loki. Bucky nodded and let the conversation drop. He really had no desire to talk to the ghost of the god of Mischief. Considering he was responsible for the first alien invasion that nearly killed Alison. Loki nodded at Alison who had somehow polished off the box of blueberry ones and was moving on to the strawberry.

"So I take it you and her were together. She's why you can't leave?" asked Loki.

"I am Groot," said Groot and he went to reach for the Pop Tarts and found he couldn't.

"It's none of your business," said Bucky and Loki sighed.

"I thought I would be happy to be free of my brother. To not be in his shadow and yet I can't leave him either. Strange isn't it," said Loki.

"Didn't you try to kill him?" asked Bucky recalling what Steve had told him.

"I did. Looking back I don't really think my heart was in it. Considering how bad I was at it," said Loki.

"I'm sorry about your husband. I heard he was a good friend of Steve's" said Thor and it snapped Bucky back to the conversation the living were having. Alison looked up from her Pop Tarts and Bucky could tell she was trying to keep it together. She swallowed hard before speaking and he could see how she twisted the ring on her hand.

"I'm...thank you. I heard about the attack on your ship...did you find the survivors from the pods that got away?" asked Alison.

"A few. We have them settled for now. It was a place where my father defeated the Frost Giants centuries ago" said Thor.

"That's good," said Alison. Bucky could see she was struggling with what to say.

"My brother was always a talker." said Loki. Thor nudged Rocket and Rocket looked annoyed. "What? Oh yeah. So your husband was the guy with the metal arm?" asked Rocket.

"His name was Bucky and yes he had a metal arm," said Alison sounding annoyed. Bucky could almost hear her begging them to leave her alone.

"I found these near...well what was his body. They must have fallen out of his pocket," said Rocket. He pulled out the chain that had his dog tags and wedding ring on them, Alison took them and Bucky could see Alison's hand was shaking as she took them.

"He seemed like a really cool guy. He used me like a mini machine gun. Did you build his arm?" asked Rocket and Bucky could see Alison was barely keeping herself in check.

"I helped make it," said Alison flatly.

"You know I thought you Terrans were stupid breed, but if you built that clearly some of you have brains," said Rocket.

"I um...I...sorry," said Alison and she got up from the table quickly.

"I said you weren't stupid," said Rocket.

"We're sorry if we've upset you. We just thought you would want it back," said Thor.

"I do…I just...it's a lot and I just need some air," said Alison. She quickly left the kitchen and Loki sighed.

"Oh brother I see you have lost your touch with women," said Loki.

…

The next day Alison went into the city with Bruce, Robert, Steve and Natasha to help with some of the clean up efforts. She and Bruce were in cleaning up a hospital in Midtown, while the others worked on the streets surrounding it. Bucky watched her go into that odd little zone she had when working. _Maybe this is good for her right now. If she's busy maybe she's not hurting so much._ He was glad she was eating, but wished she would try and get some sleep. She had been up most of the night. Alison was finishing up with a little girl who had broken her arm when Bruce approached her.

"When you have a minute I need to see you," said Bruce. Alison made sure the little girl was comfortable before going with Bruce.

"I think I found you an OB," said Bruce and Alison nodded. "He can see you right now since we've hit a bit of a lull," said Bruce

"Alright," said Alison. She followed Bruce up to the 7th floor and Bucky sighed. She needed to see a doctor to make sure everything was alright, but he could tell it was the last thing she wanted to do. _Come on sweetheart._ Waiting for them at the front desk of the 7th floor was a short young man with shaggy blond hair and thick coke bottle glasses.

"Alison, this is Doctor Allen Phillips. Doctor Phillips, this is Alison Conley," said Bruce.

"It's Barnes," said Alison quickly and Bruce nodded. It was an odd sense of longing to hear her use his last name. _We didn't want her using it since it would cause trouble. Well the world is sort of ended so fuck them._

"Mrs. Barnes. I know this is a really hard time for you right now. It's hard for everyone right now. However I would like to congratulate you on your pregnancy. You're the tenth woman I've seen today who still has her fetus in utero. We're hoping if the mother made it the fetus did too. Time will tell," said Phillips. Alison nodded and it hit Bucky like a fist. _So many people_ _lost._

Phillips led them down a hall and Bucky could tell Alison was half listening has Phillips rattled off his credentials. He had finished med school three years ago and had been here since. Something about how he dealt with premature births and high risk mothers mostly.

"Dr Banner told me about...well your condition and for safety sake we'll mark you high risk until you're released after delivery," said Phillips and that seemed to snap Alison back to the conversation.

"What's your C-section rate?" asked Alison.

"Since most of my patients needed to be induced I would say it is...well maybe was 60 percent. I have done vaginal births. A few were breeched, but everyone made it through," said Phillips.

"So you don't do a lot of episiotomies?" asked Alison. Bucky had no idea what that was, but based on the wince from Phillips it clearly was something painful.

"Unless the shoulder is stuck in your pelvis or we need to use forceps I don't see the need for it. Vaginal tearing is completely normal during birth _._ I also don't use believe in Husband Stitch. It's fucking sexist and unneeded," said Phillips.

"What is that?" asked Bruce and Alison grinned slightly.

"I like you thought I would hear a male doctor admit that," said Alison and Phillips shrugged.

"Yeah you got the hippie millennial doctor wanting to smash the patriarchy. If you want a water birth, a doula and no drugs we'll try to figure it out," said Phillips with a grin and Alison started laughing.

"I'm sorry. It's either laugh or cry right now. Give me an hour I'm sure I'll start crying again," said Alison.

"Actually I'm sure everyone is in the same place without being pregnant," said Phillips and he took them into a room that had an exam table set up and ultrasound machine. He handed her a gown with instructions that the open part was for the back. He also sat a plastic cup on the counter and asked Alison for a urine sample.

He and Bruce left the room while Alison changed and it was than Bucky noticed she did look a little heavier in the midsection. He recalled commenting on her weight the last time they had made love and how nervous it had made her. _I told her I was worried that she had lost some weight and that I was happy she seemed to be putting some weight back on. That I liked her curves. Oh sweetheart I wish you would have told me._

Alison got on the exam table and called out she was decent. Phillips and Bruce came back in.

"With everything going on would you mind if I stuck around and tried to learn a bit?" asked Bruce.

"Oh I always wanted to be a learning experience for some med student," said Alison has Phillips got her legs into the stirrups.

"A med student with seven PH.D's," said Bruce.

"Well we're a bit short staffed and I need someone to take notes and well he knows your medical history," said Phillips pulling an instrument table over to them. He went to wash his hands while Bruce turned on a laptop. Phillips pulled on some gloves and went back over to Alison.

"Okay just let your knees drop. When was the last time you had a pelvic exam?" asked Phillips.

"About a year ago," said Alison and she sucked in a breath as Phillips stated the exam.

"Jesus take it easy with her," said Bucky as Alison sucked in another breath as Phillips put something in her that Bucky had no idea why anyone would want inside them. Bucky had no idea what was going on, but clearly if something was wrong Alison would have said so by now.

"Any spotting or discharge?" asked Phillips.

"No," said Alison.

"Can you think of when you had your period last?" asked Phillips.

"End of February is the last one I remember. I'm pretty sure I conceived in March," said Alison.

"So we might be looking at a due date in December," said Phillips. He finished the exam and said everything looked alright, but it would take time to get her lab results back considering they were short lab techs and they were still running on the generator.

"Well if we can get a cooler or something we have a med lab back at headquarters we could test it ourselves," said Bruce.

"Is that alright with you?" asked Phillips.

"Yeah. No sense hogging the resources here," said Alison. Phillips and Bruce took what Bucky felt was the longest medical history questionnaire. _Well when the father is a 101 year old man and both parents have Super Soldier Serum it's better to ask all the questions._

"Alright let's do an ultrasound to make sure everything looks alright," said Phillips. Alison nodded and started trying to adjust herself on the exam table while Phillips got the ultrasound set up.

"You feeling alright?" asked Bruce.

"Just tired. Hungry. Is it cool if I shake a vending machine down before I go?' asked Alison.

"You're pregnant and we're dealing with god knows what. Shake down all the machines you want," said Bruce. Bucky wished he could thank Bruce for looking after Alison right now. Right now even if Steve was in the know he couldn't drop what he was doing to help her. The world needed Captain America right now.

Bucky watched as Phillips started the ultrasound and all Bucky could make sense of was a black and white moving shape in a sea of black and white. It did sound unbelievably loud though and Alison smiled sadly.

"It's got a good heartbeat," said Alison.

"A very good heartbeat. Still a bit too early to determine sex, but the heart looks really good. No visible abormatialies. It looks the way I would expect a fetus at 14 weeks to look. If you want to do any genetic testing we might have to wait a bit until things get back to normal. I think based on your history and your husband's and what I'm seeing right now everything looks by the book. Do you think you can come back in two weeks for a check up?" asked Phillips.

If he could hold in a breath, Bucky would have been holding his. Their baby looked fine and he put his hand on Alison's midsection and she shivered a bit.

"Sorry it's so cold in here," said Phillips.

"No. I've been doing that a lot lately. Just can't seem to stay warm," said Alison.

"We'll check your iron when we get back to headquarters," said Bruce.

"Would you like a print out of the ultrasound?" asked Phillips.

"If you could," said Alison. He printed it out and gave Alison a copy. "We'll give you the room so you can clean up and get dressed," said Phillips. They left and Alison stared at the picture and quickly wiped her eyes.

"I really wish you were here to see this," said Alison. She cleaned herself up and got dressed. She carefully folded the picture and put it in her back pocket for leaving the room.

"I wish I could be here too sweetheart," said Bucky.

For those without medical knowledge.

Episiotomy-Is a vaginal cut thought to decrease tearing and speed up delivery. However more studies have shown this really doesn't help with tearing and leads to more pain after the fact.

The Husband stitch-An extra stitch meant to 'tighten' the vagina after delivery and increase the male partner's sexual pleasure. It doesn't do any of things, in fact it makes everything terrible down there. Yeah that's a thing my friends told me about and it's gross.

Thoughts are always welcome.


	9. An Endless Stream

Alison looked at Steve and Natasha staring at the counter that kept going up as more people were added to the missing list. Alison put a hand over her midsection and sighed. The hoodie covered up most of her weight gain, but it wasn't going to be able to much longer. She was seventeen weeks in, almost at the halfway point and the only people who knew were Bruce, Robert and Phillips. Telling them was going to be hard and she wasn't sure how they would react. Considering all her training she should be better at reading people, but no training had prepared her for the world being undone with a snap and how her friends would react to her being pregnant during it.

Alison didn't think they would be mad at her for covering it up for so long. Well Natasha might get a little pissed at her for putting so much time in the field alone. Granted it was just at the nearby hospital, but you never knew what could happen if you crossed paths with the wrong person. _What if you had gotten into a fight with a patient?_ She assumed Steve would be hurt that she hadn't told him sooner. _He always wanted Bucky to be happy and this would have made him happy_. _He would have been scared shitless at first, but he would have been happy in time._

While she didn't think they would be mad, she wasn't sure they would be happy either. Alison had moments where this made her happy beyond words. It felt odd to be happy when there was so much misery and loss. Most of the women who were finding out they were pregnant or were already there were finding themselves in this odd little boat of clinging to a small bit of happiness and not being able to share it. _Or we lost the person we would want to share this with._ A lot of women were in the same boat of having the fathers of their children not make it. _It's bittersweet really what we're all going through right now._

"This is a nightmare," said Steve.

"I've had better nightmares," said Natasha. Alison took a deep breath and knocked on the window. Steve and Natasha both turned around and they looked so tired and broken Alison didn't know how she could tell them.

"Sorry. I just...I need to talk to both of you," said Alison.

"Is everything alright at hospital?" asked Natasha.

"For the most part. We got the power back up so we're not on the generators anymore. Luckily they weren't looted so we still have a good stock of stuff," said Alison. _Should you tell them to sit down first or just rip it off like a bandaid?_ Before she could think of what to say next Rhodey was knocking to come it.

"Hey so that thing you found by Fury's car just stopped doing whatever it was it was doing," said Rhodey and Alison felt the urge to punch him. _Could you not have waited another five minutes? I have been trying to spit this out for three weeks. I'm tired, my breasts and my back hurt, I sweat through my sheets at night and I just want to spit this out so I know what to do next._

"Can we finish this later?" asked Steve.

"Yeah," said Alison. They left the room and didn't ask her to come with them. She wasn't surprised. After all she was a medic and current role right now had her away from the team most of the time and working alone in the city. Bruce had been pulled into other tasks-like how to recreate a power grid or trying to figure out how to find Tony. If she was being honest they really hadn't talked about anything other than assignments and missions. _We're all avoiding it and each other really._

As Alison walked back to room the rage she felt faded to sadness. She suddenly felt so bad she wanted to cry. She put her hands on her midsection and recalled what she had read in _What to Expect_ last night

 _By week seventeen_ _your baby is the size of a large onion. Your little one might weigh 5 or more ounces and is about five inches long-the size of your palm. The heartbeat is now regulated by the brain and beats around 140 to 150 beats per minute. They are also practicing one of the most important skills they will need after birth-sucking and swallowing. In fact most of the survival reflexes are being perfected right now in utero._

"Well at least one of us perfecting survival skills," muttered Alison. She went into her room and saw Robert was sitting in a chair reading. He looked up at her and sighed.

"You didn't get to tell them did you?" asked Robert and he offered Alison a bag of apple chips. So far apple chips and Pop Tarts were her go to snacks of choice. She had learned to hide her snacks in her room though or they were eaten by Thor and Rocket when they checked in. Alison sat on the bed and sighed.

"Something happened with that pager they found on Fury. I wasn't asked to come so I decided to come back here, eat a snack, cry and take my dog for a walk," said Alison.

"You know at this rate you're going to be carrying the kid in a backpack and if they notice I'll be surprised," said Robert and Alison let out a dry laugh.

"It's just hard you know. We've all been pulled into different directions. Thor and Rocket trying to get what's left of the Asgardians here. Steve and Natasha trying to deal with government we have left. Rhodey trying to see what's left of the military. Bruce trying to figure out...well everything...and well there's me trying to deal with an understaffed hospital clinic and wondering if my back is going to hurt like this for the next six months," said Alison.

"You should be used to understaffed medical faculties," said Robert and Alison let out another dry laugh. Robert was about to say something else when Bruce came into her room.

"Hey...umm...you need…we figured out where that signal was going. I um...just come with me," said Bruce. With a heavy sigh Alison got off the bed and she and Robert followed Bruce downstairs to the meeting room and standing next to Steve and Natasha was a tall blonde woman in a blue and red suit. She turned to look at them and she tilted her head to the side puzzled before walking up to Robert.

"You...I remember you. You were with Dr. Lawson and Dr. Volkov," said the woman. Alison looked at her father and he seemed surprised.

"That was a very long time ago. However you haven't aged a day Danvers. Not one," said Robert. Alison looked at Robert and back at the woman. Something about her was familiar and Alison couldn't put her finger on it. _I've seen her in a photo with mom...before she got really sick._

"You know each other?" asked Steve and Robert sighed.

"From a very long time ago..when I was in the Air Force and working with SHIELD," said Robert. He sat down and looked at Alison. "I wanted to tell you about this awhile ago...I just couldn't find the right time," said Robert and Alison nooded. _I know all too well what that's like._

…..

"Did you know her?" asked Bucky seeing how taken aback everyone was that Robert knew the strange woman who went on to introduce herself to Alison has Carol Danvers.

"Yes. Like Robert said it was a very long time ago," said Jillian. Bucky knew she still didn't care for him and tolerated him being here. Bucky wanted to ask more, but he had a feeling he would get more listening to Robert explain it.

"When I finished boot camp a handful of us were picked to train with SHIELD. I was one of the first to learn how to fly the Helicarriers. I got to meet the woman who designed them. Her name was Jillian Volkov," said Robert.

"Volkov?" asked Natasha and Robert nodded. Bucky looked at Jillian and than at Alison who was clearly a step ahead based on the first name. Bucky looked at Jillian and it suddenly clicked why her voice sounded oddly familiar. _The years in the US might have flattened it out, but that Russian accent never really goes away._

"She was Russian. A hell of an engeerier and she defected in 1982. They had sent her for a science conference unaware that she had been planning her escape for over a year. It was a hard choice for her, she knew what leaving would mean for her family, but with her kidneys going and how trapped she felt in Russia she knew that she stood a better chance at life here in the US. She found out later on her parents and older brother had been sent to Siberia. They didn't get out," said Robert. Alison sat down hard and Bucky saw Bruce eyeing her. Bucky looked over at Jillian and she had her arms crossed and was glaring at Robert and than at the floor. Bucky knew how hard the prisons were in Siberia. If she had worked on her escape plan for over a year, couldn't she have found a way to take them with her. As if sensing his thoughts Jillian turned her glare to him.

"If I had told them I was thinking about leaving they would have turned me over to me over to the KGB without thinking. Besides, I was just an annoying sick girl who was too smart for her own good. I was lucky I didn't die before I got here," said Jillian.

"So you and mom meeting at a concert was a lie," said Alison flatly.

"It was easier to tell people that than the truth. I really don't know how it started between us, but we just clicked. I think it was because I would just listen to her talk about her designs for hours. I really wasn't close to my family and she didn't have any. We got married in 1984. A year later we had you," said Robert.

"She wasn't supposed to have me," said Alison.

"The doctors had told her not too. They had found a match for her kidneys...she wanted to though. She told me she wanted something that would live beyond her work," said Robert.

"Look I like storytime as much as the next person, but how does this lead to her?" asked Rhodey nodding at Danvers.

"Jill worked a lot with a woman named Wendy Lawson...Doctor Wendy Lawson. They worked on Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S together. When they started looking for a pilot to test it I suggested Danvers. I had thought about testing it, but your mother was getting worse. I stayed on as an advisor to the project. Well...it went bad…at least I thought it did. We thought you were dead and well...those us really in the know...we knew Lawson wasn't from around here. We buried it though. Buried the fact that an alien was on Earth helping us make weapons and planes, buried Danvers's death and well I helped bury a lot of stuff for my government. I was burying the truth when your mother died," said Robert.

"I thought...grandpa said you were in the Gulf War," said Alison numbly. Jillian was shaking her head and pacing.

"Damn it Robert just shut up," muttered Jillian. Bucky could see how much this was for Alison to take in. He worried about the stress this was putting on her. _It's not like she doesn't have enough stress._

"It was cover I had to give. When it was done I...that much lying and hiding takes a toll. It was just too much pressure and guilt," said Robert. Bucky could see the wheels turning in both Alison's mind and Natasha. It was Natasha who spoke first.

"You threatened to go public with what you knew. That's how you got Alison her deal," said Natasha and Robert nodded.

"I was pretty sure the American public would be pissed if they knew we knew about aliens before the Invasion. What I did for my country and government cost me daughter...they owed me that much," said Robert and Jillian sighed.

"You jackass you could have gotten yourself killed," said Jillian and Bucky grinned.

"I think I like him even more now," said Bucky.

"You would," said Jillian.

"So how did you survive?" asked Robert looking at Danvers.

She sat down and explained how she and Lawson had been attacked during a flight by a race called the Kree, Lawson own people had attacked her in hopes of getting the Tessacrt from her. When the Light Speed Engine had been destroyed some of the Tesseract energy had been absorbed by her. The Kree had taken her back to their planet and had easered her memories and used her to fight against another alien race called the Skrull. _Well it's nice to know that mind wiping and being used as a weapon isn't just a thing humans do to each other,_ thought Bucky.

She went on to explain how she had been brought back to Earth six years after her death while looking for some Skrulls that had escaped Kree custody. It was how she had met Fury and regained her memories of who she really was. She had given Fury the pager in case he needed her help.

"He always did like waiting till the last minute to ask for help," said Natasha.

"Where is he now?" asked Danvers.

"He's gone along with over half the people on the planet," said Steve. Bucky watched as Alison put her hands over her midsection and stare at it for a moment. _Seriously how have they not noticed anything different about her by now?_

"We have no idea how to find Thanos and we think some of our friends might be stuck in space with more information about how to find him. Do you think you could help us find them?" asked Bruce.

"I can try. It's a big area to cover," said Danvers.

"Nice to see you still have a smart mouth," said Robert.

"Give me a day or two," said Danvers. She went outside and took off flying.

"I wonder if I'll ever see it all," said Alison. Bruce and Rhodey went to contact Pepper while Steve and Natasha went to contact Thor and Rocket. Alison sighed and Robert put a hand on her back.

"You alright?" asked Robert.

"Well my back stopped and I found out that my mother was a Soviet defector and that you and her worked with aliens. Suddenly my marriage to a 100 something year old former assassin seems down right normal," said Alison.

"Considering everything that has happened in the last three weeks I would say that is the most normal thing for all of us," said Robert.

"Well wait until they find out ghosts are a thing," said Bucky and Jillian turned her glare to him.

…..

It would be another three days of waiting for they got any news about Tony. While they waited they all went to their own corners again. Bucky watched as Alison talked with Robert about her place on the team. Or how she felt like she really didn't have a place with the team right now. He watched as she would pause right outside his old bedroom door and never go in. _I really wish you would just spit it all out sweetheart._ Bucky watched Steve and Natasha stare for hours at the little counter that went up as a tally of the dead kept climbing.

"Do you think she'll find him?" asked Natasha on the second night of waiting.

"If anyone would have made it through this it will be Tony," said Steve.

"What happens after that?" asked Natasha.

"Hopefully he has some clue about where Thanos was going after he got all the Stones. If not...I'm not sure what to do next," admitted Steve. It was quiet between them for awhile and Bucky was going to see what Alison was doing when Steve spoke up.

"Was I wrong to not take out Vision sooner?" asked Steve. "Was I wrong to not go with the Accords? If we had been together maybe it would have worked out differently," said Steve.

"You were not in the wrong with Vision. It was a good plan...if we could have bought Alison and Shuri more time they could have done it. We should have guessed that someone would sneak attack them. One of us should have stayed with them to make sure Wanda didn't leave. As for the Accords...even with an alien invasion there was a lot of dancing around about what we should do. We saw that when we got here. Beside even our newest President thinks it was dumb. I don't know if us being together would have made a difference against an alien with the powers of a God. I would like to think we all did the best we could do. Now we just have to wait and regroup," said Natasha. She got up to walk around and looked back at Steve.

"You know you can shave now. We're not wanted criminals anymore," said Natasha.

"It does look hideous doesn't it?" asked Steve. Natasha left the room and Steve stayed where he was and sighed.

"Is it too much to ask that one thing turn out right? Just one," muttered Steve before he got up and left the room.

"Sometimes I think it is," said Bucky.

The news came when Carol came back with a badly damaged ship with Tony on board with a blue alien woman named Nebula. Tony was in terrible shape, starving, injured and the only one of their team members to survive. Doctor Strange and the kid Bucky had seen in the Germany airport also hadn't made it. _Jesus he was just a kid. A brave, stupid kid, but a kid nonetheless,_ thought Bucky.

Robert stayed with the ship to see what repairs he could do. _I might have seen one of these in New Mexico._ Alison and Bruce tended to Tony in one of the med rooms and Bucky could feel how nervous Alison was to be near him. _The last time she saw him he threw her across the room and broke her leg._

"Did Steve bring _him_ here too?" asked Tony and Bucky watched as Alison winced. _Jesus cut her some slack. It wasn't her fault._ Bruce glared at Tony.

"This isn't the time or place for this," said Bruce.

"He isn't here...he didn't make it," said Alison curtly. She finished attaching the IV bag to Tony and calmly walked out of the room. Bucky started to follow her when Bruce spoke up.

"Really you wanna have that fight right now?" asked Bruce.

"Not with her at any rate," said Tony. He settled into a wheelchair and let Bruce push him down to the meeting room. Alison was already there with Steve and the others. She put a bowl of soup in front on Tony wordless and went to go sit on the sofa.

"Oh I take it things have not gone well in the past few years between them. I didn't have to do anything really. I take it some of this was your handiwork," said Loki. Bucky sighed. One of the perks of Thor and Rocket being away was that Loki and Groot tended to follow them. Bucky didn't mind the small, only knew three words talking tree, but the God of Mischief was getting on his damn nerves.

"Just shut up," said Jillian. She was studying how tired and stressed Alison looked. Bucky was worried too. She was still eating, but sleeping the last few days had been a struggle.

Natasha started the meeting giving Tony an update about what had happened on Earth in Wakanda.

"He did exactly what he said he was going to do. Thanos wiped out half of all living creatures on the planet," said Natasha. Tony took a bite of soup and set it aside while looking annoyed.

"Where is he now?" asked Tony.

"We don't know," admitted Steve. "He opened a portal and walked right through it," said Steve. Tony spun around in his chair and looked at Thor.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Tony.

"Well he's pissed. He thinks he failed and of course he did, but well there is a lot of that going around," said Rocket from his spot on the floor. Groot looked sad and went to touch Rocket.

"I am Groot," he said and Rocket shivered for a second. Tony looked taken back for a second by the fact there was a talking racoon on the floor.

"Honestly until the exact second you started talking I thought you were a Build-A-Bear," said Tony.

"Well maybe I am," said Rocket.

"We've been trying to find Thanos for three weeks now with deep space scans and satellites and we got nothing. Tony you fought him…" started Steve and Tony cut him off.

"Who told you that? I didn't fight him. He wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street magician gave away the store. That's what happened," snapped Tony. Steve was trying to stay calm and tried again.

"Did he give you any clues? Any coordinates? Anything?" asked Steve. Tony tapped his head and made a fart noise.

"What a goddamn man child," muttered Jillian.

"I knew this was going to happen. I had a vision a few years back and I didn't want to believe it," said Tony. Bucky could see Steve was trying to keep his patience, but it was slipping.

"Tony I need you to focus," said Steve.

"And I needed you. Past tense so that trumps what you need" said Tony.

"You know my brother and I would have just punched other each by now and been done with it," said Loki has Tony shoved the soup away and got into Steve's face.

"I told you we needed a suit of armor around the world. Even if it impacted our precious freedoms or not. That's what we needed," said Tony.

"Well that didn't work out did it," said Steve.

"Turned into a murder bot that would have killed us before Thanos did," said Bucky.

"Of course the man would make a murder bot," said Jillian.

"I said we would lose and you said we would do that together and guess what Cap? We lost and you weren't there," said Tony. _Jesus just kick him while he's down,_ thought Bucky. He had hoped in time Tony would forgive Steve for what happened with Howard and Maria. After all it wasn't Steve's fault and Steve would have done the same thing if it had been Tony who had been Hydra's toy. _If we had just told the truth maybe it would have gone differently. I'm dead and I'm pretty sure this is my hell._

"Isn't that always the way. We do our best work after the fact?" asked Tony as Rhodey tried to get him to sit down. "I got nothing for you Cap. No clues. No coordinates. No strategies. No options. Zero, zip, nadda. No trust! You liar," hissed Tony.

"Well it's good to see that the world ending has brought them all closer together," said Loki.

"Is there not an afterlife for the gods away from us mere mortals?" asked Jillian.

"I honestly wouldn't want to go there. Besides this is much more fun," said Loki as Tony ripped something off his chest, shoved into Steve's hands before collapsing on the floor.

"Shit," muttered Alison and she got up and went over to Tony. "He just needs to sleep it off. Bruce can you help me get him up?" asked Alison. Bruce helped her get Tony in a chair and they took him back upstairs.

"I might know how to find Thanos," said Nebula and Loki grinned.

"I'm glad she waited till the show was over," said Loki.

"I am Groot."

…..

Alison got Tony in bed and felt something shift in her side and she rubbed it.

"You alright?" asked Bruce and Pepper looked at her.

"Just a cramp. He should be out for the next ten to twelve hours. I'll come back in a few hours to check his IV bag," said Alison making sure Tony was hooked up to a saline bag.

"Thank you," said Pepper. Alison nodded and left the room with Bruce. Rhodey stayed with Pepper and Bruce whispered.

"You sure it's just a cramp?" asked Bruce.

"It could be gas or...it could have been a fetal movement. Not really sure," said Alison softly. She was getting close to the eighteen week mark and she had read some books that said mothers might feel small movements as early as sixteen weeks. _I really need to tell them before I have this baby on the jet._

" I'm going to tell them...just...everything is so fucked up Bruce," said Alison.

"That's putting it lightly," said Bruce.

They headed back up to the meeting room and Rhodey joined them. When they got there Nebula was telling Steve and the others about her time with Thanos. He had killed half her people before taking her. _God that poor little girl._ As she spoke Alison could hear the voice of someone who had wanted to be loved so badly no matter how much it hurt.

"He spoke of a garden," said Nebula.

"So he had a retirement plan," said Rhodey.

"So where is he?" asked Steve.

"I might be able to tell you," said Rocket. He pulled out a small mini computer. "Got this off my ship and let's see" Rocket pulled up a hologram of Earth. "When Thanos snapped his fingers Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions. No one's ever seen anything like it... Until two days ago," said Rocket pulling up another planet hologram.

"That's where is he," said Nebula.

"He used the Stones again," said Natasha.

"Why? He did what he wanted to do. Unless he wiped out fifty percent somewhere else," said Alison.

"Hey...hey we would be going in shorted handed," said Bruce. Alison felt her heart start slamming into her chest. If the Stones were still out there and Thanos still had them... _everyone got their asses handed to them last time and you are in no condition to fight an alien with god powers right now._

"So we get the Stones and bring everyone back," said Carol sharing a look with Steve. _Oh they really mean to go through with this. Oh shit._

"Just like that?" asked Rhodey.

"We owe it to everyone who isn't in this room," said Natasha. _Bucky. If I go and this ends badly I might lose the one piece of Bucky I still have,_ thought Alison.

"How would this end any differently than before?" asked Bruce.

"Because before you didn't have me," said Carol.

"Wow," said Alison flatly. _I always thought pilots were cocky, but holy shit._

"Hey. New girl, we're all about the superhero life around here, but if you don't mind my asking where the hell have you been all this time?" asked Rhodey.

"Out of pager distance?" asked Alison.

"The universe is a big place and a lot of planets didn't have you guys," said Carol.

"Sorry. We're all really run down," said Alison.

Thor stood up and went over to Carol. He summoned his axe to him and Carol gave him a smug smile. _Good lord get a room,_ thought Alison.

"I like this one," said Thor.

"Let's go get this son of bitch," said Steve. _I can't. I can't risk this pregnancy. This might be the only one I could have with Bucky and I don't care if it makes me a selfish asshole. I can't…_

"I can't," said Alison softly. They turned to look at her and Alison sighed. "I can't."

"I know you're scared, but we could use all the help we can get," said Steve calmly.

"It's not that...well it's not all that...I just...I can't risk it," said Alison.

"We're all risking our lives for this," said Natasha coolly.

"It's not just mine I'm risking," snapped Alison. _Well you might as well do it now._ "I'm pregnant...almost five months," said Alison.

"What?" asked Rhodey.

"I'm pregnant. Knocked up. In a family way. Expecting. Bun in the oven. Baby on board. In a delicate condition. Eating for two. Tin roof rusted. Do I need to say in another language?" asked Alison finally feeling her temper give.

"Oh I thought you were just chubby and trying to hide it," said Rocket. Alison debated seeing how far she could drop kick the raccoon. Instead her mood swing got the better of her and she left the room before they could see her cry. She got down the hallway and was about to head upstairs when she felt Steve's hand on her arm.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" asked Steve softly. Alison could hear the hurt in his voice and she turned to face him.

"Well half the world dying really put a buzzkill on any pregnancy announcement," said Alison wiping her eyes.

"Did Bucky know?" asked Steve and Alison shook her head.

"I was going to tell him after he came back...I didn't want him to be distracted. I was going to have to explain how his vasectomy didn't take...I was scared. If I'm being honest I'm still a bit scared out of my mind. Not a lot of resources to go to for powered people when they're expecting," said Alison.

"I wish you would have told us sooner...I know things have been...well they've been terrible and that I really haven't been available, but this...Ally this is something to be happy about," said Steve.

"I am happy about it too. Steve...I can't risk it. If this goes bad I might lose the last piece of Bucky I have. It's selfish, but I can't risk it," said Alison.

"You know if this does work Bucky is going to kick my ass for not taking care of his girl while he was away. You aren't being selfish...you're putting someone else's needs first," said Steve pointing at her midsection. Alison gave a dry little laugh and took off the hoodie. She was still able to wear jeans, but the baby bump was clear without the hoodie.

"And I'm going to have to for at least the next eighteen to nineteen years," said Alison. Steve pulled her into a bear hug.

"Congratulations," said Steve.

…..

"So if this works do you think I'll remember any of this?" asked Bucky and Jillian shrugged.

"I've never seen anyone go back before. Leave yes...all the time. Go back to being alive. That's a rarity," said Jillian.

"I am Groot!"

"That will just leave me with the god of annoyance," said Jillian.

"I don't care for that title at all," said Loki. Bucky turned his attention to Alison who was helping Robert with the last check of the ship. Alison had taken off the hoodie and while it was small you could clearly tell it wasn't just being chubby. Bucky wanted this to work so badly he could taste it. He wanted to be with Alison again and tell her how much he wanted to have that baby with her.

"If this does work and you do go back and remember any of this. I would like you to know that while I'm not a hundred percent sure you were the best thing for my daughter you make her happy. Considering everything she's been through I guess I can live with you being with her as long as she's happy," said Jillian.

"Thank you," said Bucky. He wondered if he did remember any of this if he should tell Alison that he had spoken to her mother.

"I think everything looks good," said Alison.

" I've only seen one other one like this and it was a hell of a crash though. It got taken to some island in the middle of nowhere. Huge earthquake hit there a few years ago and took it off the map. However I'm sure some deep sea divers will find some interesting shit one of these days," said Robert closing a panel.

"Yeah these are tough babies," said Rocket. He was holding something and sighed. "Great this broke though." Alison looked at it and saw a cracked screen and was surprised.

"Is that a Zune?" asked Alison.

"Yeah so?" asked Rocket a bit testy.

"I just haven't seen in a long time. Um...I could try to fix it or at least put the music onto something a bit more durable. Might as well do something useful while I'm waiting," said Alison. Rocket looked at the broken Zune and back at Alison.

"I'm trusting you lady," said Rocket and he handed her the broken Zune.

"Thanks," said Alison and she put the Zune in her bag.

"Listen...sorry I said you were chubby and congrats on the baby thing," said Rocket holding out his hand. Alison shook it and Rocket sighed.

"Alright unless you plan on coming I need you and the old man off the ship," said Rocket. _Well that was almost heartwarming,_ thought Bucky. Alison and Robert got off the ship while everyone else got on.

"Good luck," said Alison.

"You want to go with them?" asked Jillian and Bucky looked at her. "She'll be safe here and well I think your friend might need you in case this goes bad," said Jillian. Bucky watched Natasha hug Alison tightly and they both quickly blinked back tears. _If this goes bad I want to tell Steve and the others that they can go._ Bucky got on the ship and stayed in the back.

"I am Groot!" He ran around the ship going through some of them and they all shivered.

"Well that was odd," said Bruce taking his seat.

"We're about to go into space to get magic stones. Everything is odd," said Rhodey taking his seat.

"Everyone ready?" asked Steve taking his seat.

"As ready as we're going to be," said Natasha. Rocket and Nebula got into their pilot seats and turned the ship on.

"I'm impressed that the pregnant one and her father worked so quickly," said Nebula.

"Yeah for Terrans they aren't half bad," said Rocket. They took off and Bucky went and looked out one of the windows as the ground quickly faded and it took him a second to realize he was looking down at Earth.

"Fascinating isn't it?" asked Loki and Bucky nearly jumped.

"Wow you are a sneaky asshole," said Bucky.

"Well I have to make sure my brother doesn't do anything stupid...again," said Loki. "Much you like are making sure your friend doesn't do anything stupid," said Loki.

"Oh I think that ship sailed a long time ago," said Bucky.

"Okay. Who hasn't been to space?" asked Rocket. Steve, Natasha and Rhodey raised their hands.

"Dork," muttered Bucky.

"Don't throw up on my ship," said Rocket. _I wonder if this will be like the Cyclone all over again,_ thought Bucky.

"Jumping in 3, 2, 1," called Nebula and the ship lurched and Bucky looked forward to see some sort of hole opening up and what felt like a few seconds later they were looking at the planet from the hologram.

"Oh, we are a long way from Brooklyn now," said Bucky. Carol left the ship to scout things out and Bucky saw Steve was looking at his old compass that had a picture of Peggy in it. _It's amazing what things make it,_

"This is gonna work Steve," said Natasha and Bucky could not recall hearing such optimism from a Russian before.

"I know it will...because I don't know what I'm going to do if it doesn't," said Steve. Before Natasha could say anything Carol was back telling them that there were no guards or any sort of defenses. _Well when you got magic space stones do you really need an army,_ thought Bucky.

A plan was made to land. Carol would strike first, than Bruce in the armor with Thor. Rhodey with Rocket and finally Steve and Natasha. They landed and got into position. Bucky was reminded a little bit of Wakanda. Everything was so green and he hated to admit it, but he really liked the farm the crazy man had. No animals, but he clearly had a gift for making things grow. _Maybe he used the magic space stones for this._ Bucky wondered if Alison would want to go back to Wakanda and have their baby on their farm. Or would she want to be back in New York with her friends. It was clear she missed them and would want them to be apart of the baby's life. _Maybe Foggy and Murdock can set up a deal for me. After all I did die trying to save the world._ _I just want to be back again. I don't care where._

Bucky heard the sounds of fighting coming from the house and went inside. Loki was already standing off to one side while Groot tried kicking the now one armed mad man. He looked so pathetic it almost made Bucky feel sorry for him. On top of missing his arm , Thanos looked like his left side had been set on fire and was badly healing. _Did the stones do that to him?_

Steve and Natasha came in and Bucky could see that they were ready to murder Thanos once they were done. Rocket turned the arm with the gauntlet over and if Bucky had heartbeat it would have stopped. There were no stones in the gauntlet.

"No," whispered Rocket.

"Where are they?" demanded Steve. Thanos wouldn't answer so Carol tightened her choke hold.

"Answer the question," ordered Carol.

"The universe required correction. After that, the stones served no purpose other than temptation," said Thanos.

"You murdered trillions!" yelled Bruce and he pushed Thanos to the ground.

"You should be grateful," said Thanos and was quickly punched by Bruce. Bucky looked over at Natasha who was clearly fighting rising panic and rage.

"Where are the stones," hissed Natasha.

"Gone. Reduced to atoms," said Thanos with such pride it made Bucky want to scream. _No. No...he's lying._

"You used them two days ago!" snapped Bruce.

"I used the stones to destroy the stones," said Thanos as if explaining something to a child. "It nearly killed me. But the work is done. It will always be. I am inevitable," said Thanos. Once again it was said with such pride that it made Bucky want to rip Thanos's head off.

"We have to tear this place apart. He...he...he's lying," said Rhodey who was fighting to stay calm. Bucky could see they were all trying to stay calm and not give into to the sense of loss he knew they were feeling. _They can't bring us back. I can't go back...it's too late and we lost the war._

"My father is many things," said Nebula cooly. "A liar is not one of them." Thanos turned and gave her a small smile that made Bucky sick.

"Oh thank you daughter. Perhaps I treated you too harshly," said Thanos. Bucky heard a cry of rage and turned just in time to see Thor cut off Thanos's head. The mad titan was dead.

"Oh really brother. What did you get out of that?" asked Loki.

"What...what did you?" asked Rocket sadly.

"I...I went for the head," said Thor numbly and he left the hut. Natasha turned to Steve with tears running down her face and Steve looked beyond shock.

"I am Groot?" Bucky looked at the little figure who was looking at Rocket sadly.

"We're stuck here. I think we're going to be stuck here for a long time," said Bucky wondering if the talking tree understood him. Groot wiped his eyes and went to touch Rocket who walked away so Groot missed him.

"Come on. I'll get you guys home," said Rocket. _Do any of us have a home now?_

…

Alison plugged the Zune into a computer and quickly copied all the music onto the computer before digging the spare Ipod she had stashed in her desk. Robert was taking Bailey for her walk and offered to make them dinner while they waited for news. _I just need to keep busy,_ thought Alison.

There was the one Matt had given her which she still had and a spare she had picked up before Bucky had gone into hiding. She had planned on giving it Bucky as a gift, but Alison felt he would understand why she was doing this for Rocket. She added the Zune music to the new Ipod and tested it out to make sure it worked. It still had a ton of space on it so she added some more current music and some she thought Rocket would like.

After that was done she checked on Tony and explained to a very shocked Pepper that yes she was pregnant and that Bucky was the father.

"What are you going to do if this works and everyone comes back?" asked Pepper.

"Go back to Wakanda I guess. It's safer for Bucky there for the time being. Listen...I didn't mean to hurt Tony and well...all that mess with the Accords," started Alison.

"I can't count all the things I've done to try and protect Tony. Even before I fell in love with him I was trying to protect him and well...I did some stupid things along the way. I guess we're all a bit stupid when it's someone we care about. It wasn't your fault. Or his. Or Steve's. I would like to think the people who ordered the hit are dead or rotting in the Raft or whatever hole they put the Hydra people in. If you need better lawyers...I'll see what I can do...if you help me do something first," said Pepper.

"Of course," said Alison.

"I'm not sure how to use the ultrasound and well I need to confirm if the First Response was right," said Pepper with a small grin and it took a second for it to click in her brain.

"Oh wow...yeah. We can do it right now. He's going to be out for hours," said Alison. Pepper clearly wasn't as far along as she was so it must of happened right before the Snap. She took Pepper into the next room and got the ultrasound out. It didn't take long for Alison to find what Pepper was looking for.

"Do you remember when you had your last period?" asked Alison.

"I think it was May. I just got distracted with the wedding planning and well we got invaded again so it wasn't until last week that it hit me when I was throwing up toast that I could be. I was on the Pill," said Pepper with a shrug.

"I'm gonna guess eight weeks, but I know a doctor who can give you a better guess. Congratulations," said Alison. She printed off a screenshot and gave it to Pepper.

"Thank you," said Pepper and she shook her head and looked at Alison. "So what's it like that far it?" asked Pepper.

"You want the real truth or the sugar coated one?" asked Alison.

"The real one," said Pepper.

"My back hurts. My boobs hurt. I have sudden flashes of rage that make no sense in hindsight. I sweat all night and all I want is apple flavored anything and Pop Tarts. Other than that it's a cakewalk," said Alison with a laugh.

"I'll keep that in mind and lorded over Tony when the time comes," said Pepper. She hugged Alison hard and Alison hugged her back. "When he comes back make him wait on you hand and foot...at least until the kid is a year old. I think you've earned it," said Pepper. She went back to check on Tony and Alison headed back to her room. She looked over at Bucky's shut door and sighed.

She hadn't gone in his room since they were kidnapped by Hydra and Bucky had left. It just hurt too much. Still if he came back he might want a few of his things. She knew there was a few of her things in this room she planned on taking back to Wakanda. Mostly just her pictures...well maybe her pillow and old pink blanket. She also had a ton of yarn here that she could make good use of. _Maybe we could have Bailey with us. She likes working and well maybe we can teach her to herd goats._

 _You really think this is going to work and they'll all come back._

Alison actually flinched when she heard that voice in her head. She hadn't heard it for over a year and the voice of depression had been rather quiet despite everything.

"Oh shut up," muttered Alison and she went to see if there were any of her old clothes that she could take with her. She ended up with mostly socks and a few oversized tee shirts. _I'll be luck to fit into the socks in a few months if my ankles decide to swell._ Robert and Bailey came back and they went downstairs to make dinner. It could be hours before they heard anything, maybe even a day. Even though they were going through a wormhole, time on Earth was going to be different than space time.

"So if this works...do you want to go back to Wakanda with me?" asked Alison and Robert looked surprised for a second before he smiled.

"I would really like that. Maybe I could build my own little farm five miles down the road," said Robert.

"Can we make ten?" teased Alison and Robert laughed.

"I wish your mother could see the type of woman you became. You would have made her proud," said Robert.

"Even though I married a very old man and spent the last year of my life on the lamb?" asked Alison.

"Because you did the right thing even though it was hard. You have a good heart and you try to make things better no matter what. I think she would have liked that about you," said Robert.

"I have so many things I want to ask her now. I mean she had journals and I thought it was odd that she didn't have any from when she was a kid, but it makes sense now. I thought I knew who she was from those journals. But she never talked about her family and looking back the details about her work life seem slim. It was so hard for me to leave everyone here behind and I really hated it some days. Was it like that for her coming here? Did she ever miss her family? Her friends? At least I had Sam, Bucky and Steve...I had friends. She didn't have anyone till you," said Alison.

"Your mother was a workaholic and at the start of it I was too. We had our work to fill the void until you," said Robert. "I think she wanted to be the parent she never had."

"I hope to be the mother she was," said Alison. They finished their dinner and Alison checked on Tony again and changed his IV bag. Pepper was sound asleep holding his hand. _I hope her telling Tony goes smoothly._

Alison went to her room and picked up her knitting basket and went downstairs to wait with Robert and Bailey. It was all she could do right now. Alison started knitting a pale blue and white blanket and was halfway through it when she felt the rumbling.

"They're back," said Alison. She dropped her knitting and moved as fast as she could outside. _Did they bring the stones back here for safekeeping after they use them? Are they going to reach out to the government to let them know what's about to happen? I just want to see Bucky again._ They got out to the yard and watched the ship land. Alison was twisting her chain and Bucky's chain. _I really want you to have these again. I miss you so much._ The second she saw the way Bruce walk off the ship Alison knew something had gone horribly wrong.

"What happened?" asked Alison and Bruce just shook his head and walked away. Natasha and Rhodey got off next and Alison could tell they had both been crying.

"What…" started Alison and Natasha nodded her head at Steve.

"He wants to tell you what happened," said Natasha. Rhodey couldn't seem to look her in the eyes as he patted her shoulder. Alison watched Steve get off the ship and he looked so broken it took her right back to Wakanda standing over what was left of Bucky. _They can't bring him back. They can't bring anyone back._

"I'm sorry," said Steve and the words floated in her head. The stones were gone. Thanos was dead and Thor had gone off. This was their life now and it couldn't be fixed. _He's really gone. I thought he could come back. Why not?_

"Ally...I…" started Steve.

"Thank you Steve. I know you did the best you could. I just need to be alone for a bit. Please," said Alison. Robert nodded and Alison walked back up to headquarters without a word. She went up to room and before she could stop herself she went into Bucky's old room and shut the door.

It wasn't dusty, but it did smell stale. _Housekeeping must have kept it clean._ During the last weeks he had been here Bucky had slept in her room, but all his things were still here. Books were piled on his side table. They had been reading Shirley Jackson short stories together before he left. _The first time._

Alison went over to his desk and there was the sheet music folder she had given him. It wasn't as thick as her own, but he had been learning the guitar quickly. _I just wanted to learn to be with you. I rather hear you play,_ said Bucky. Still she had coaxed him into learning a few songs. Alison flipped to the back where the last song he had asked her to teach him was. _Simon and Garfunkel._ It was one of the first ones she had learned when Matt had been teaching her. _The circle of life,_ thought Alison dryly. She saw Bucky's guitar in the corner and went outside on the balcony with it. It took a bit to tune and Alison was worried the strings would be bad after sitting for so long.

 _I'm sitting in the railway station_

 _Got a ticket to my destination_

 _On a tour of one night stands my suitcase and guitar in hand_

 _And every stop is neatly planned for a poet and a one man band_

 _Homeward bound_

 _I wish I was_

 _Homeward bound_

 _Home where my thoughts escape me._

 _Home where my music's playing_

 _Home where my love lies waiting silently for me_

 _Everyday's an endless stream of cigarettes and magazines_

 _And each town looks the same to me The music and the factories_

 _And every stranger's face I see reminds that I long to be_

 _Homeward bound_

 _I wish I was_

 _Homeward bound_

 _Home where my thoughts escape me._

 _Home where my music's playing_

 _Home where my love lies waiting silently for me_

 _Tonight I'll sing my songs again I'll play the game and pretend_

 _But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity_

 _Like emptiness and harmony I need someone to comfort me_

 _Homeward bound_

 _I wish I was_

 _Homeward bound_

 _Home where my thoughts escape me._

 _Home where my music's playing_

 _Home where my love lies waiting silently for me_

 _Silently for me_

 _Silently for me_

Alison hugged Bucky's guitar and cried silently unaware that she had an audience.

"I'm so sorry," said Jillain.

"I know," said Bucky wishing he could cry to just to let something out. Alison wiped her eyes and looked down at her stomach.

"So you liked that huh? That was you and not gas right?" asked Alison with a small laugh. "I really haven't felt like singing lately. I'm bringing into a seriously messed up world kid. I'm gonna try my best alright," said Alison. "Your dad liked it when I played too."

"No. I loved it when you played sweetheart," said Bucky sitting down near Alison. She started playing again and Bucky wondered how long it would be before they could be together again. It didn't matter. He wasn't going anywhere now.

Simon and Garfunkel-Homeward Bound

Thoughts are always welcome


	10. Coping skills

_October 2018_

"Alison?" asked a voice and something about the voice seemed oddly familiar and yet Alison couldn't place it off the top of her head. She turned to see who had called her and was stunned to see Foggy Nelson coming towards her on the sidewalk.

"Oh my god,' said Alison shocked. In the wake of the Snap, finding out she was pregnant, trying to find her friends and help those left behind she had blanked out seeing if her lawyers were alive. She had thought about seeing if they were when there had been the chance Bucky could come back. After that it slipped her mind again. _I had to focus on the future._

"Holy shit," said Foggy and he pulled her into a bear hug before quickly stepping back. "Sorry that was unprofessional. It's just nice to see…"started Foggy.

"Someone who made it?" asked Alison.

"Kind of looks like someone else made it too," said Foggy gesturing to her midsection and Alison gave a small laugh.

"Yeah I think she got her father's stubborn streak in utero and I'm already dreading what her teen years are going to be," said Alison.

"Is it a girl or is she just a placeholder?" asked Foggy.

"It's a girl," said Alison with a small hint of pride.

"Look if you got a few minutes we could get a cup of coffee or juice...just to catch up," said Foggy. He looked so damn happy to see her and to be honest Alison was happy to see him. Finding people was still slow going and finding someone you actually knew, even a little bit was a goddamn gift.

"Yeah I can do that," said Alison. There was a small cafe down the street that had just reopened last month and she and Foggy went inside. It was busy for a Friday afternoon in Brooklyn, but it was almost a joy to see how busy it was. Before the Snap, Brooklyn had over 2.6 million people, now it was down to around 800,000 and dropping with people leaving the city to find family out of state or just trying to get away from the memories.

Life overall in the city was still a work in progress. They couldn't get the funds they needed from the government to do all the clean up that was needed. Private companies like Rand Enterprises, Roxxon and Stark Industries had donated what they could and volunteers and aid workers did what they could, but there were still parts of the city that were just not going to be livable for sometime. Currently parts of Brooklyn, Harlem and Mid-town were functioning. Queens and Staten Island were still trying to get their feet under them.

A waitress brought their drinks and a muffin for Alison. Foggy took a sip of his coffee and sighed.

"Did he make it?" asked Foggy and Alison took a sip of her tea before answering. She wondered if she would ever not feel that jab in her gut when people asked about Bucky. It was an oddly common question considering how far along she was. _Did the baby's father make it?_

"No, Bucky didn't make it," said Alison. This was another common part of life now. Explaining to those who did make it who didn't and accepting their condolences. _I'm surprised that sympathy cards haven't run out yet._

"That...I'm sorry," said Foggy.

"Did...did Matt…" started Alison and Foggy shook his head.

"Matt didn't make it and neither did Karen...you didn't get to meet her, but she did a lot of the background interviews about you. My fiancee Marci made it though and so did my dad and so did my brother. I kind of got lucky," said Foggy.

"My dad made it...so did my dog. Some of Bucky's extended family made it, but they're in California and it's a bit awkward to say the least. I only met them a few times before and well...there is no guidebook about how to deal with finding out your not dead-former criminal great uncle's wife is expecting. They were nice enough, but I don't see us spending the holidays together right now," admitted Alison. Foggy nodded and was clearly trying to find something to say. This was a part of life now too, trying to figure out what to talk about once you pieced together who was still alive.

"So what have you been doing lately?" asked Alison.

"I've been working on trying to figure out who is still in jail waiting for a court date and who no longer needs one So far it seems the Snap spared an insane amount judges so we've been able to get people sorted out quickly. I just sorted out the last of my cases at the MDC. I take it you got back into nursing," said Foggy gesturing to Alison's purple scrubs.

"For the most part I work out Kings County hospital. Sometimes they send a bunch of us over to one of the orphanages in the area to make sure everyone is where they need to be. I actually just finished my shift there," said Alison.

"Are you finding families for any of them?" asked Foggy.

"We're trying, but it's still a mess though," said Alison. _Some of the kids are still in shock and can't even remember their own names let alone who their parents were or where they lived. Not to mention those who are infants and can't tell us a damn thing._ "We managed to get two P.I's working for us pro bono. Well I think they might pay Jessica Jones in booze," said Alison giving a mock toast with her tea cup.

"Well if we ever needed a reason to drink," said Foggy and Alison could see he was metally kicking himself. "I mean you guys tried your best and...I've seen some crazy shit here, but nothing could have prepared anyone for magic alien space things," said Foggy. "You lost people too and we're all working it out," said Foggy.

"Well we're trying," said Alison softly. They finished their drinks and Foggy fished out a card and a pen.

"Here let me give you my current address. Maybe we could have dinner sometime. I would really like you to meet Marci...it's just really good to see you," said Foggy and he quickly wiped his eyes. "You and Bucky...well you were the last big case Matt and I got to work on together. We had really hoped that…" started Foggy and Alison squeezed his hand.

"Thank you. It means a lot that you were willing to try and help him...to really hear his side of the story," said Alison.

"He was a good man and deserved to have his story heard," said Foggy. Alison took the card and decided to give him her current address on one of her own cards. She didn't think Steve would mind.

"Wow...you're out in Bay Ridge. Please tell me you aren't taking the subway to come out here," said Foggy.

"You really think Steve or my father would let me take public transport right now? I'm lucky they let me walk the few blocks from the hospital to the shelter twice a week. Hell I'm lucky they let me do anything at all right now. I had to get a doctor's note to work," said Alison and got a small smile out of Foggy.

"Well can you really blame them?" asked Foggy. Alison put her hands over her midsection and sighed.

"No. Not really. I know they mean well...I just…" started Alison.

"Want something be normal for a minute," suggested Foggy.

"Yeah," said Alison. She got out of her chair and was happy that she was able to do it on the first try and hugged Foggy. "It was really good to see you," said Alison.

"You too. If you need anything at all please let me know," said Foggy.

"I will," said Alison. They headed out, Foggy to catch a bus that would take him back to Midtown and Alison walked the last two blocks to the hospital. She made sure all her charts were up to date before passing them and a few quick tidbits onto her 2nd shift counterpart.

"Mike is still running a fever, but it's on the low side now so we're hoping it's just teething. I think Sasha might finally be keeping fluid down, so you might wanna try some broth for dinner. Um...we think that rash Amanda had was due to the soap so we switched her to one with no dyes so make sure that's what she uses tonight for her bath," said Alison.

By the time that was done Alison headed down the garage where Steve was waiting for by the entrance.

"You know I can walk a few extra feet. One of these days I'm gonna hear about you being so close to the entrance," said Alison with a small grin. She went to get in the passenger seat and Steve gave her a look.

"Backseat," said Steve and Alison rolled her eyes before getting in back passenger seat.

"Do I need to get a note that says I can ride upfront as long as push the seat all the way back?" asked Alison.

"Yes," said Steve. Alison sighed and got settled in before Steve started driving.

The drive with no traffic only took thirty minutes while a subway ride would have been an hour plus walking. She had debated getting a place closer to the hospital and really the market was wide open she could have anything in the city for dirty cheap. She also still owned her grandfather's apartment and whoever had been renting it was now gone. However when Steve had asked her and Robert to stay with him in the Bay Ridge place part of her couldn't say no and part of her didn't want to say no. _I don't think I could stand losing anyone else and I don't think Steve can either._

The place in Bay Ridge was an old SHIELD safe house that Steve had stayed at when he had first unfrozen. On the outside it looked like a warehouse, but once you got past the hologram wall and went through the eye scan, fingerprint scan and entered your code you found yourself in a very small waiting room with an elevator to take you upstairs. After you went through another eye and fingerprint scan of course.

A small part of it was designed to like Steve and Bucky's old apartment, but with a lot more room and a few more modern touches. Steve had moved back into that part of the warehouse The rest of it was modern and was like a lesser Avenger headquarters. Alison and Robert took rooms on a floor under Steve and for the most part had settled in.

"So how was your day?" asked Alison as they drove.

"Alright I guess. Got some more of roads cleaned up Got some of the power back on in Red Hook. Same old, same old. How was your's?" asked Steve.

"Managed to not get puked on today which was a serious improvement over yesterday. One of kiddos took their first steps so that was something to see," said Alison. Steve gave her a very thin smile and Alison sighed internally.

The last six months had been overwhelming and draining on several levels. For the most part The Avengers were done. For Alison, it was a matter of not being able to meet the demands. She couldn't just hop in a jet and treat people in a war zone while dodging bullets and throwing punches. Yes she was handling her pregnancy better than most women, but there was only so much risk she was willing to take and there was only so much risk Natasha was willing to put her in. With Tony leaving to be with Pepper, Thor going to take care of his people and Steve saying he was done, Natasha had taken over what was left. The new Secretary of State and new government leaders had basically tossed The Accords into the fire. Those living were pardoned and were now free to operate has they saw fit. _It only took losing half the world to realize they needed to do their jobs without a nanny._

Rhodey had stayed on with Natasha. She managed to get Carol, Rocket, Nebula and Okaye to work with her. It wasn't much, but right now it was any port in the storm. Robert helped Natasha out from time to time with tech, but even he admitted that he was an old man with no powers. Bruce had stayed on for awhile, but last month he stepped away saying there was something he wanted to work on. He did promise Alison though that he would be on hand when it came time for her to deliver.

Natasha had told Alison she was welcome to stay at headquarters even though she wasn't really on the team anymore. However Alison realized she was more useful to people right here in the city. They needed anyone with any medical training and she learned fast. In the last three months she had helped delivery three babies, assisted with five open heart operations along with just run of the mill colds, flus and other common ailments. One nurse had commented this was med school on acid and

it some days it felt that way. While Alison felt she had found some sort of place and something to do the same couldn't be said for Steve.

It wasn't that people didn't need him, they did. They didn't blame Steve and the others for what had happened. If anything the people laid the blame on The Accords for keeping their heroes away and the government not working with them. People were looking to Steve for leadership and in some ways he did provide it. The city needed mending and Steve was doing that the best way he could. He helped clean up roads, fix power stations, he broke up gangs that threatened to take over neighborhoods. He kept busy, but Alison could tell it wasn't helping him.

They parked and headed into the warehouse when Alison decided to take a leap. She had debated this for awhile and she wondered if it would help anything or just be salt in a wound. _I wonder if this is something Bucky would have wanted._

"You know I have tomorrow off and well...I kind of need to get some baby things. The crib and stuff. Ummm could you come with me?" asked Alison. Steve looked shocked for a second before he gave a shrug.

"Is Natasha not free?" asked Steve.

"Well yes she is, but that's not the point. You're my friend and well…considering you're going to be this baby's godfather's it only seems fair that you help me," said Alison has they got into the elevator. The shocked look on Steve and he sighed.

"I'm not really sure...not really a good Catholic anymore," said Steve.

"In all fairness I'm not either and I'm really not sure if I want to go through with a bataspim. I just...you matter to me and if anything happens to me…" started Alison.

"Nothing is going to happen to you," said Steve sharply and he shook his head. "I'm sorry." The doors opened on Alison's floor and she took his hand. "Just think about it alright. You wanna have dinner with me tonight?" asked Alison.

"I'm gonna take a raincheck for tonight," said Steve.

"Alright. See you later," said Alison. She got off and Steve went up to his floor. Bailey came bounding the hall and nearly knocked Alison back a step when she pounced her. "Yeah. did you have a good day? Take lots of dog naps?" asked Alison rubbing the dog's head. She knew Robert was checking out some old jets for Natasha so she would be alone this evening. Alison took shower before going across the hall into the room she planned to use for the baby. She had repainted the walls from a dull gray to white and she put little black and silver stars on the wall. She had gotten a large fluffy white rug to help break up the dull slab of a floor. _Plus it will be nice when she starts crawling around._ Other than that the room was bare. Granted Alison planned to co sleep with her, she even had a small sidecar crib that attached to her bed, but she wanted something nice for when she went back to work or for when she was just going down for a nap. _Somewhere nice for her to grow up in._

"You know your dad would think this is silly. Back in his day they probably just put babies in to dresser drawers and called it good enough. He would have gotten you a nice dresser drawer though," said Alison. She felt the baby shifting around and Alison got the hint that her daughter wasn't in the mood for her wax on about her father.

"Alright. Alright. Dinner is coming. You want mac and cheese or chicken tacos?"

…..

"I really wish you would stop being so melodramatic," said Bucky looking at Steve. Steve was making was some soup and was talking to Natasha via hologram.

"It's just a crib. Why are you freaking out?" asked Natasha.

"Because it shouldn't be me," said Steve flatly.

"Well honestly I don't know how crib shopping would have worked in Wakanda," said Natasha.

"Bucky would have made one," said Steve and Bucky marveled at how well Steve knew him. Yes he would have made his daughter a crib. He would have tried to figure out how to add another room to their very small house just for her. He would have read those books Alison had about being pregnant.

"You have no idea how much I would have liked doing that," said Bucky softly.

"Maybe she asked you because Bucky isn't here," said Natasha. Steve sighed deeply and quickly wiped his eyes.

"You know I thought it would be easy having her here. If it was the other way around I know Bucky would have looked after my family...it's harder than I thought," admitted Steve.

"I asked her to stay because I knew how hard it was going to be and you asked her to move in. Trust me, it's not going to get any easier when she pops and if you think it sucks now just wait," said Natasha.

"You're thinking about Clint's kids," said Steve and Natasha sighed and wiped her own eyes.

"I held them all Steve...I loved them like they were mine and I miss them so much. I know Clint is still here...but he's not really here. At least you still have some part of Bucky left to hold on too. Don't let that slip by you. Take Alison baby shopping. Be the baby's godfather. Tell her what a good person her father was. She's going to need. They both will," said Natasha. She ended the call and Steve sat down at his table and looked over at a photo Becca had passed on to him. It was them together at Coney Island and Bucky smiled at the memory of it.

"You know if you plan on taking my kid on a roller coaster I hope she throws up on you. It only seems fair," said Bucky.

It was becoming oddly easy for Bucky to accept that this was going to be his afterlife now. It could be worse. At least that was what his Catholic upbring had taught him and Steve. Although, Bucky wasn't sure if this was heaven, hell or purgatory. Maybe it was a mix of things. While Brooklyn appeared to be empty to the living, the dead were taking up plenty of space. He was sure it was the same in other places. So far none of his teammates seem to be here.

Bucky would sometimes follow Alison around for the day and he wished he could tell her how proud he was of her. He knew she was strong, but this was on a level he didn't think he would be capable of. However, they had made a promise to each other to not do anything stupid. Giving up now would be the stupid thing. Plus she had someone else to think about. Bucky was amused Alison would only talk to the baby when she was alone. She talked and sang to her anytime she was by herself. He had read over her shoulder that babies started hearing voices and could recognize their parent's voices after birth. _If I was here I would think it was silly, but I would talk to her too._ Alison would talk to him too before she went to sleep. Jillian told him she had done that with Matt on and off for three years. _She stopped doing it after we got together._

Sometimes he would follow Steve around for the day and wished there was something he could say or do for his best friend. Bucky didn't blame Steve. He couldn't blame Steve without blaming all of them for failing. It was a bad fight and they lost. _You can't win them all._ Bucky had known Steve would look after Alison, but clearly it was a job that was hurting him and Bucky wondered if maybe it would be better for all of them to break and try to start over fresh.

"You know when Alison found out she was expecting a girl I couldn't help but think about how overprotective you were with Becca. How any boy who looked at her knew she was a Barnes and that messing with her would earn you an ass kicking of a lifetime. I wonder if you would have eased up with your own daughter and become even more overprotective and overbearing," said Steve. Bucky knew he was looking at the picture, but it felt nice to be talked at.

"You kidding me? My daughter. The White Wolf would have been very protective of his pup," said Bucky.

"I didn't do a very good job of looking after Becca and I'm really trying with Alison. I know she thinks it silly that I make her sit in the backseat or that I asked her to check with her doctor about how much work she's doing...I just. I already can't forgive myself for a lot of things, but if anything happens to them, I know I will never forgive myself. I wish you were here Buck," said Steve.

"Me too," said Bucky. He left Steve to finish his dinner and went downstairs to where Alison and Jillian were. Alison was eating chicken tacos and watching an episode of the Great British Bake Off.

"Oh I'm not even that good at baking and I know cake is not supposed to come out in a goop messy. That does look cook though. You wanna a piece of cake when we're done with the tacos? I would like some cake so it would be awesome if we could have cake and not be woken up with heartburn at two in the morning," said Alison.

"You might as well accept the heartburn love," said Jillian.

…..

Alison figured it would be best if she took the van for everything she needed to get. She wondered if she would be able to lift things by herself or if it would be safer and cause less questions if she asked one of the store clerks to do it for her. _Just think before this you were lifting four to five hundred pound slabs off of people. Now you're worried about lifting a box with a crib into a cart._ Alison finished her breakfast and looked over her list one last time. Mommy brain was a thing and it sucked. It amazed her she could recall complex medical jargon and everyone's charts on her round, but if she walked into a store nine times out of ten she would forget everything she wanted to buy.

It was a rather long list and for some reason it made her want to her cry. _You know Sophia and Sam would have thrown you a baby shower and you would have over half of these things on your list._

"Stop being such a sad sack. Okay. We're gonna have a girl's day. I promise not to buy you anything to over the top girly or too pink because that stuff is so lame," said Alison.

"Oh she should have one pink over the top girly thing," said Steve and Alison jumped a little.

"Hey," said Alison and she flushed a little at being caught talking to her bump.

"When I was growing up, my mom would always tell me how great my father was. It sucked though...not having him there. There was always so much I wanted to ask him and I never could. I know that's going to be the same for her as she grows up," said Steve and Alison had to quickly wipe her eyes again.

"I know it's been odd living together and well the whole last seven months have been odd. However it might get easier if we were in together as friends. And friends go with their friends to buy cribs and all the other things that go with having kids now. I'll even let you sit in the front seat," said Steve. Alison sighed and gave Steve a huge bear hug.

"Thank you," said Alison. Steve hugged her back.

"Beside if I don't take you there is a chance Bucky will come back and haunt me and I really don't want to deal with that," said Steve and Alison had to laugh a little.

"Oh that would suck for you. Maybe he would bring back other ghosts for fun," said Alison.

"He would do that," said Steve. "I would be honored to be the godfather and if anything does happen she'll know what amazing people her parents were," said Steve. Alison got glassed eyed and had to reach for a paper towel.

"Well these hormones are just kicking my ass anymore. Come on, let's hit Target before I turn into a sobbing mess or worse," said Alison. She and Steve left and Bucky shook his head.

"I'm already sort of haunting them. Do you know how to get cool ghosts?" asked Bucky.

"I'm the coolest ghost you will ever know," said Jillian.

Thoughts and Reviews are always welcome


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